Day 4 of 'singlehood'

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Day 4 of 'singlehood'
2
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 5:49am

I would like to know if any of the other Newly Heartbroken has this problem. I fell madly in love with a friend that I knew for about 3 years before we started dating. As friends, we didn't spend a lot of time together but the time we did spend were some of the best times of my life. Finally, finally he told me that he felt the same way about me as I did about him. We started dating and sharing more intimate details about ourselves than we ever did when we were just friends. Details about family values, financial priorities and sexual code of conduct. Very, very early on I realizes that our value system was very different. But my heart won out over my head, (no competition really), and I tried to hold the relationship together. That was 2 years ago. Over the last year, we fought constantly and 4 days ago he told me he had enough and was calling it quits. It was the best thing he could have done for me. I was sinking into a serious depression trying to stay with him but I didn't have the strength to just end it.

The problem: I want him back. I think about him all the time. Even though I know that the man I fell madly in love with is not this man. I am mourning the death of the dream and the feelings are so strong that I'm frightened I can't manage them.

I spent all day yesterday with very supportive girlfriends who are trying to help me throuugh all of this. I plan on doing that for many, many days to come. I feel like there is such a big whole in me right now and I don't think that I can get through this by myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 3:42pm

Isn't it crazy?? I too wanted to end my 3.5 LD May / Dec. relationship many times and when it finally ended, I was and still am a mess. CRAZY CRAZY. I am dating others casually and STILL miss my ex..still long for him.

We had our ups and downs but he was my best friend and we had so much in common. But if it were meant to be, I would still be with him..

I hope someone can rationalize why this is?? Why do we crave something that wasn't quite right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 8:17pm
i know! i think that is the hardest part. my ex hasn't been the person i fell in love with for a very long time now. i don't think he ever was, really. it's my idea of him that i had, my illusions. those are i think the hardest part to give up. the pain is absolutely unbearable. i'm still going through it, and it's been over for a long time now, since before we broke it off even.
you're doing the right thing, surrounding yourself with good people. they will help you get through this. it's not easy, but it will happen. hang in there.