At a dead end...hurt all over again

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
At a dead end...hurt all over again
1
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 5:51pm

I know in the past this board has provided me with some good advice and helped me move fwd. But know i'm moving back and i need some help and guidance because this time i have no choice but to move fwd.

Recap: Last week i accidently found out my ex is engaged to be married...this is shocking but somehow not surprising...his marriage had been arranged by his parents and he is set to be married in May...We dated for 4 yrs, they didn't approve of me and in the end the breakup was broken because of his parents though my ex tried to place all blame on me. The action of his parents finally convinced me it wasn't me but what his parents told him.
We have been broken up about a yr but his parents only knew of our breakup last summer, he was engaged when he went home in Oct/Nov last yr...they didn't wait long...

This has reopened healing wounds, i feel betrayal (close friends of ours knew but they claim they were trying to protect me by not saying anything n they felt torn as they asked not to tell me anything), i feel used all these years coz how can someone profess love for you but now fight for you, how can someone hurt you purosely but tell others they care still, i feel invisible because his parents and how my ex act like i never exsisted and i feel like a fool for those who think i need protecting who feels sorry for me because instead of marrying me he is marrying a stranger!

Yet part of me wants to know the details, i want to know if he even likes this girl his parents chose, if he had any say but as retarded as it is i also do want him to be happy even though he has hurt me. I can say i truely loved this person and though i thought i was doing ok not until i found this out did i realise a small part of was still in love with him n had hope of a reunion of at least friendship...now i know nothing of the such exsists...i have all the things i have been holding onto (few of his tings on loan to be from when i had moved, the promise ring, jewelry etc) to return to him and other things that are gifts i no longer want i'm giving to the salvation army....thats my first step....

I'm having a hard time assimilating all of this, trying to understand and put it in context and i doubt everything that i knew as my world and wonder if any of it was ever real or if it was all an illusion. I'm not sure how to deal anymore....i've talked to a few friends to get things out but i'm so angry n hurt....i'm gonna start back counselling, but i aslo need a way to tell my family all that has been going on coz i never told the true feelings his parents had towards me....

I use to believe once love can conquer everything but now i think maybe i'm just a romatic at heart but i'm soo scared of being humiliated and hurt like this i just want to be invisible....

Very disheartened at the moment, and just want to let go once and for all....but i seem to ahve lost the way :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 6:26pm

Hi sad_mich -


::i feel used all these years coz how can someone profess love for you but not fight for you, how can someone hurt you purosely but tell others they care still, i feel invisible because his parents and how my ex act like i never exsisted and i feel like a fool for those who think i need protecting who feels sorry for me because instead of marrying me he is marrying a stranger!


Cultural differences and arranged marriages are so different than what you are used to, I understand all you feel, but at the same time it does not negate anything you exprienced or felt with him.


::I'm having a hard time assimilating all of this, trying to understand and put it in context and i doubt everything that i knew as my world and wonder if any of it was ever real or if it was all an illusion. I'm not sure how to deal anymore....i've talked to a few friends to get things out but i'm so angry n hurt....i'm gonna start back counselling, but i aslo need a way to tell my family all that has been going on coz i never told the true feelings his parents had towards me....


You are NOT LESS THAN because of the way things turned out.