Dealing with the anger
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| Sun, 12-11-2005 - 1:59pm |
I am just so, so angry with my ex and really having a hard time dealing with the anger. It just infuriates me so that he could just stop talking to me without any sort of a breakup or anything after a year and a half. It is especially gauling because he is the type of person who claims that once he lets people into his life, they are there for good, that we would always be friends even if we weren't together as a couple, blah, blah, blah. But he doesn't even have the courtesy or decency to make a phone call or write an email to tell me it's over...he just disappears. That cruel behavior is so foreign to me that I just can't get my mind around how someone could do that...let alone someone I loved.
I don't know how to deal with the anger. It is a constant presence and it is SO uncomfortable. I know it's one of the stages of grief and that the only way out is through...but it's such a HUGE part of this particular breakup because of the incredibly disrespectful way he ended it.
I feel like I have been negated as a person. And there's nothing I can do...I can't force him to have a breakup talk with me, unless I fly to Houston from Seattle and track him down but of course I'm not going to do anything so desperate and dramatic.
I just wish I could fast-forward through this. But I know from experience that I can't...I have to feel it and endure it. Ugh.
Sheri

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As you know I'm dealing with the same sort of non response, it hurts and it leaves you second guessing because even though you know what is happening (the end of the relationship), it still leaves you with the uncertainty and wondering because they don't have the decency to respond.
My ex has pulled this avoidance stunt before so even though it isn't shocking (and makes me wonder what in the world I thought be different this time??), his indifference is still very upsetting to me.
The ironic thing is that when we first started talking again he apologized for everything and how badly he ended things the first time but had no problem about reverting to his old ways. Not that it's any consolation, but a guy who would do this before will do it again.
Hi Sheri,
You're right that the disrespect factor is one of the hardest things in dealing with this type of breakup. I'm trying to tell myself that X truly thought this would be the best way to do this (we know it was definitely the best for him--he didn't have to face me getting upset, crying, etc.). I'm trying to make myself believe that maybe he was deluded enough to think it would be better for me in the long run. Well, I'm not sure that anyone could be that deluded, but maybe...
I think, too, that the closure will come, as you said. It just won't be the kind of closure that we would prefer. And though I "know" so many things in my head, my heart doesn't understand them and refuses to listen to reason! Hang in there and know that I'm right there with you!
Love, Laura
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