dealing with guilt and blame
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| Wed, 11-21-2007 - 3:30pm |
Hello everyone,
Two months ago my boyfriend and I broke up because things weren't working between us. I can't pinpoint what happen. THings were going well and then I moved an hour away and then things imploded. I felt distance from him, we only saw each other one or two days a week and that triggered my neediness. he then felt smothered and detached from me, which just kept the cycle going until we imploded.
He broke up with me and I snapped and went into a depression.
He then called me two weeks later and wanted to try again. I said yes of course, but found that I couldn't trust him anymore. Everything felt different. I knew things now because of things he told me the night we broke up.
I had anxiety around him all the time while we were trying to reconcile. I was worried that i couldn't be happy enough or cool enough or just enough for him to stay. I was in a state of panic and he just didn't get it.
So, for the next two months i went to therapy twice a week, worked on my negative thinking, got me some hobbies and tried really hard to be the woman i used to be and the woman he wanted.
But, it just felt forced. We would hang out and i just wanted to cry because things had changed and i felt we couldn't go back. And all the therapy work i was doing was making me realize that i was doing all this work for us and to save the relationship, but what was he doing??
I blamed myself for everything and he agreed.
So, we broke up again four days ago, because I felt things were not getting better. He things it is me and I;m just exhausted of feeling like I'm a bad person.
And i feel guilty and i keep blaming myself. Why couldn't I be happy? Why couldn't I just reign in my neediness? Why did I feel alone even when I was with him? I mean, what in the world is wrong with me?
I feel guilty because ... i feel like i made this break up happen. I caused it. it's all my fault. But that can't be possible.
How do relationships go from wonderful to this?
Thanks for letting me vent. Anyone else deal with these feelings?

Welcome to the board paprgrrl,
Everything you felt and did as a result of the move and distance was pretty normal. Him breaking up with you over it, well there could have been other options. He made the decision not to.
Continue working on yourself, but only take 50% of the blame for the relationship issues, k?