Dealing with her at work

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
Dealing with her at work
4
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 3:44pm

Y'all gave "dependentone" such good support that I thought I'd chime in as well.

The gist: We dated for 9 months, it was my first serious, part-of-my-life-every-day relationship, and she broke it off nearly 5 weeks ago, talking about problems with me, problems with us, problems with herself that she needs to sort out.

But we work together, which means we have to sit about 4 feet apart at our respective computers for several hours a night. Not every night -- we're not on the same schedule -- but maybe a couple times a week. Including the next 4 nights.

How do I handle it better? We've worked together a couple times this month, and part of me always thinks it's going to be like it was when we were dating -- that we're going to talk and flirt via e-mail all night, and then she'll stay over at my place. But it's not like that anymore. It's basically nothing -- maybe a professional response to some direct question or two, but nothing the slightest bit personal, much less loving. She even posted something to her blog about how great some new guy in her life makes her feel. (At least, it seems pretty clear she's talking about a new guy.)

Usually I end up having to step away at some point during the evening and call my parents or a friend on the phone for support. They've been a tremendous help, but I can't keep feeling like this every time I go to work. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed emotionally even when she's NOT there, just because it all reminds me of her.

Thanks, guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 10:48am

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You just have to keep it professional and avoid eye contact, communications where at all possible. I would stop looking at her blog because you're only torturing yourself.

If it's possible maybe look for a job elsewhere--that may help in the recovery.

Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 11:19am

jcrhoo...

Simple response from Pianoguy:

The two of you are being paid by a 3rd party to work! Your social past shouldn't be an issue. If you're uncomfortable sitting 4 feet away from her...ask your supervisor if you could be relocated to another desk!

You already know that whatever she says about the "new boyfriend" is strictly to see if you'll react! Why give her the satisfaction?

IGNORE WHATEVER SHE DOES and DO THE JOB YOU'RE BEING PAID FOR!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 2:16pm

I know the solution is to just grit my teeth and do my job. That's how I've been handling it for the past 4-5 weeks since she ended our relationship. Of course, that doesn't assuage the pain I feel inside to have to see her, communicate professionally with her and watch her laugh and joke with coworkers.

Moving my desk probably isn't an option and wouldn't help much. We can only get so far away from each other. I miss her so tremendously much, and it feels impossible to start healing when I can't have a "no contact" period. I guess I just have to live with the hurt.

Our shift "together" starts in a few hours. Wish me luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 6:06pm

I wanted to say good luck and you CAN do this.

I've sort of been there. I had a casual relationship plus a few hookups over a year with a coworker and yes, I still struggle with having to see him everyday. Thankfully we don't need to have professional interaction at this point, but he flirts with a girl who sits 10 feet away which drives me up a wall. (I am not really sure if they're dating or not.)

I've resorted to a few tricks, and I am not sure which might be applicable to your job:
- listen to my Ipod at key times (when he comes in, when he leaves, when he takes personal phone calls)
- take out a sheet of paper, and write everything I am thinking, but just the first letter of the word (like IATGFH, "I am too good for him.")
- literally remove myself from the area when it gets to be too much - stop by someone's desk instead of calling them, etc.

Hang in there, we are pulling for you.