dealing with other peoples happiness

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
dealing with other peoples happiness
10
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 1:15pm
My ex and I have been broken up for 5 months now and there has been NC now for almost 2 months. I am still very hurt and sad b/c this guy is "the ex" you know, the one you thought you would marry and were over the moon for. Anyway, I'm having a very hard time being around happy couples, especially those with a baby (something my ex and I were talking about before he left me and I was very excited about). Since I'm almost 30 most friends/acquaintances are newlyweds or having babies. I have a good heart and am soooo happy for them, truly I am, but it kills me inside because its a reminder of what I dont have and might never have. I don't want to avoid these people because it seems like an unhealthy response but on the other hand, I hate it how when Im at the lowest point of my life everyone else is at their highest - just seems like salt in the wound. Suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 1:37pm
yup thats totaly how i feel. i was so happy and in love..now im heartbroken and miserable and all of a sudden everyone is in a happy relationship. all my friends are dating and in love, and im bitter and miserable. not fair huh?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 1:42pm

I COMPLETELY feel you on this one.

My roommate is busy planning her wedding (got engaged a few months ago, 2 weeks after our 3rd roommate, who has since moved out, got engaged) so every day she's showing me new bridal mags and venues and flower arrangements, asking if I want to go dress shopping with her.

Our new 3rd roommate just got back Monday from a 2wk Alaskan vacation with her boyfriend where OF COURSE they talked about getting married soon.

My very bestfriend was unable to talk to me during the 1st wk of my breakup because she was off on vacation with her boyfriend (who coincidentally is the guy I dated for 3yrs in high school - I dumped him almost a decade ago and couldn't care less, but still, at the moment it's not helping!)

The person I chat online with most during the day is the girlfriend of my ex's bestfriend, so I'm constantly hearing about how great things are, how they're talking about where they want to move when they get married, all their lovely weekend plans. (I'm contemplating blocking her. Thoughts?)

I'm with you, how do you deal with this? Eveytime I think I'm starting to cope, it's thrown in my face how happy everyone else is, how the ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD can have functional beautiful relationships...and I can't.

My ex and I used to joke in bed and laugh at all these other people's relationships because they were no one near as wonderful as ours. Now who's laughing? Karma's a b----.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 2:14pm
Its always so in your face when you dont need it to be, isnt it? Right after I posted I got on the elevator to get lunch and what were the other passengers talking about - the due date for one of their babies. Thank god I had sunglasses on because the tears started to well up immediately. I really would love to know what I did to deserve this???? I'm sorry Im being so negative, but I just cant understand how and why it is that everyone else but me gets to be happy..........
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 2:53pm
oh man. i agree with you on everything you just said. its weird...all of a sudden everyone is in love and happy and getting married..but us :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 2:55pm
everyone else but YOU AND ME...get to be happy...and a few of the women on this board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 7:16pm
IT SUCKS! I just think that we don't notice other people's happiness as much when we are happy because we are too wrapped up in our own happiness. Then, all of a sudden, BAM...we are miserable, and everyone around us CONTINUES to be happy. But, what we don't know, is that those other "happy" people could very well have other horrible things happening to them at this very moment. We don't think about that though, because it just seems like they are so happy. Anyway, I truly thought I was with the one I was going to marry. I was thanking God for finally letting me settle down and giving me "the one". I was dreaming about my wedding and kids and everything. Now he is seeing someone else, and I'm sure he feels sorry for me which is even worse. He probably thinks I'm PATHETIC at the way I've been acting. I just wish so bad I could play it cool...and let him think I'm moving on. But I can't! I know he's kinda seeing someone else, and I STILL keep asking him to work on things. I feel so pathetic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 11:28pm

my first breakup was 3 yrs ago with another guy. he dumped me for someone else, and i was so in love and heartbroken that i would still beg him back even after they moved in together....so youre not alone...

and let me tell you, i wish i played it cool and never called after the breakup. instead i called and cried and cried and all he said was " im sorry im not changing my mind"...

this is hard. its hard to be home on the weekends and just be sad....really really sad :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 1:25am
For two years I've been dating the guy DETERMINED to marry me, and I was just now letting him win me over when BAM. We broke up. Of COURSE, my ONLY two single girlfriends in my town started dating guys (after FIVE YEARS of not dating) the same MONTH I broke up with my bf! How ironic! THey are now all in the lovey-dovey new love stage and I'm single again! I want to be happy for them but it is hard!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 2:04am
thats funny. pretty much the same thing with me. my single bestfriend is now happy and in love...its just me now. everyone is planning weddings and engagments...and im alone and miserable. weird how things turn out huh. it feels like im never going to be happy again-- which is a lie i know. im sure ill move on and everything will be ok. just the whole process of moving on, and getting over it ...is hard..very hard. why did you guys break up
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 9:41am
I haven't quite figured that out yet! Some details are in "Where to go" and some are most recently in "Birthday Breakup." It's a mess.