Dear John,
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 11-22-2007 - 11:10pm |
It’s been about a week since I’ve started NC... for the one hundredth time now. And I am missing him sooooo much. I want to call or text him so badly right now, but I know better than to do that. So I've decided to write him a "Dear John letter" on here instead of breaking the rules of NC. I encourage all of you that are on NC to do the same. Be strong, do not give in to the temptation, it will set you back a million steps and make you feel so much worse than you do now. Believe me, like I said, this is my “one hundredth” time I’m doing this, and I hope this will be my last with him.
Dear "John",
I miss you sooooooooooooo, sooooooooo, sooooooooo much. I miss the sound of your voice, I miss your random texts, I miss our long phone conversations. The way you'd look into my eyes, smile then kiss me on my forehead. I miss the smell of your aftershave that lingers around for a few moments after you hug me. I miss going to the movies with you and us holding hands. I miss our dinner dates. I miss how we used to be.
I want to call you so badly right now and to let you know how much I miss you and wish that we could go back to how we were. I am crying as I am typing this letter, and I wish that you were hear to hold me. To comfort me, and to tell me that you still care about me, and that you made a big mistake. Where did we go wrong? We were such good friends...and we eventually became best friends. You told me EVERYTHING! And I confided in you all of my secrets. We helped each other move on from our exes. We shared so many inside jokes and our values and outlook in life really strengthened our bond. And when we decided to move our friendship to the next level, I was so excited and happy. When we were at our prime, we were SOOOOOO good together, you even said that we could make people jealous with how compatible and great we were together. And it really was true. But when things started to get sour, I bailed. I got scared, and I had to end it with you. And during the time that we were on our break, we both realized how much we loved each other, and we got back together. Looking back on my decision to break it off with you so hastily makes we regret it so much. Because it was at that point that started our vicious cycle. We’d be great one week, get into a fight, break up, then get back together. Why did we do that? Why didn’t we work harder at our relationship, instead of just bailing when things got tough? Is that why we’re no longer together?
About a month and a half ago, we made plans, but you decided to hang out with your friends instead. I admit that the way I acted was a little out of line. I overreacted. I am no longer your girlfriend, and so I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. (But did you really not realize that it’s because I still love you? I have to say that the things you said to me on the phone felt like you were stabbing my heart with a dagger. You have NEVER said things like that to me before. Instead of saying those things, you would comfort me, and not let me go until I was happy again. Does the fact that you didn’t care that I was crying and had the audacity to say those things to me, mean that you have moved on and no longer love me? There are soooooooooooo many things that I want to know the answer to. I want to know if there is a new love in your life, if you’re as sad about this as I am, if you think about me or not, if you miss me.
But last week you made it clear to me. You were no longer feeling it. You told me that we are over, and that you can’t go back. My heart broke instantly. And I felt like there was a lump in my chest, and I cried hysterically. All of the hope I had of us getting back together was completely shattered.
How is that you are moving on so easily? Are you? Did I really have that little impact on your life? Didn’t I mean anything to you?
After you told me that you sometimes lied to me, b/c “it’s just easier that way” I started questioning everything you had ever said to me. Did you really mean those things you said? Or were they all just lies?
I hate the fact that even after we’re broken up, I still feel like you have this control or power over me. Because I can’t seem to move on from you. I realize that we are not good for each other, actually, you are really bad for me, but I still come back for more. Why do I do that? I guess it’s because I still love you. But I find it ironic that even though I love you so much, a part of me wishes that you were dwelling over me like I am over you. That your heart hurts as much as mine does, that the thought that I might have moved on would bring tears to your eyes. Because this is what I am going though, and I don’t think I deserve any of this pain considering how much time and effort I had put into “us”, while you never gave a s#!t. So with this, I want you to know that I will not let you control me anymore. I deserve someone better. Someone who actually cares about me, and our relationship. I will not let you dictate my future relationships. I will no longer be afraid to move on, and I WILL find my “prince charming”. Someone who is willing to compromise, who would appreciate the little things I do for him, someone who will love me as much as I do them. And certainly someone who would not deceive me the way you did and string me along the way you did.
“John”…I love you. But I need to forget you.
Sincerely,
The One That Got Away
xoxo

Dear One that Got Away -
Hi co5mogirl,
Write it out long-hand and burn it.
that was a very moving letter. some of it could have been written by myself, cause i feel the same way about my ex, the holding hands, the little things.
i know carrie. but he had, when we broke up, 5 1/2 years under his belt. i thought he was really ready for things in his life. he was looking to buy a home, seemed like he was ready to move on in his life
The friend I was talking about had nearly 8 yrs under her belt..... we can't fix them. Can't make them want more for themselves.
Hang in there.