in a depression

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
in a depression
5
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 12:44pm
I am feeling so down.

L2B

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: leb1776
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:05pm

Welcome to the board leb1776,


Yes, PMSing can make you more emotional about anything, especially a break up.


How To Get Over Your Breakup - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21185.1


Zen of Doing Nothing - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21173.1


Relationship Grieving Process - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22985.1


Grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
In reply to: leb1776
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 9:27am
Thanks for all your advice.

L2B

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
In reply to: leb1776
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 11:18am

Hey leb1776-
I know 95% of how you feel because that is exactly what I am going through! My ex-guy wasn't into anything illegal but I knew from the beginning that he would not be able to give me the things I needed out of life. During our first almost two years he was sweet and attentive, caring and kind. There were some signs-- he didn't meet most of my friends (it is bad when you are in a 3-year relationship and some of your closest friends think you have made him up from the beginning) and there were so many times he would chose his family and their needs over me. And not in a good, aw-shucks-let's-help-out-Uncle-Joe but in a more they-are-always-there-they-always-will-be-while-you-will-not. We ended up going on a "break" in December of 2006 over the Big Trinity of our relationship problems: marriage, children, his family. Of course we got back together because I was numb from the pain. It lasted another year but I now realize that I had changed dramatically. I became a push-over and a doormat because I didn't want to rock the boat. I couldn't take it if he left me. So I tried to be Miss Suzie Complacent. The joke on me? He did end up leaving anyway! I stuck by him through so much and helped him with so many things. I too received letters that I now wish to burn. I too want to punch him in his face. I do believe this will all get better soon.

I am reading a book called "It is called a break-up because it is broken". It is blunt and honest but it has helped a lot. Through reading and re-reading, I have realized that even though I thought it was great and wanted to fix the relationship, he could care less. And that is not the kind of relationship I want. I want someone who is willing to roll up his sleeves. My ex never could fix anything at home!!

If you know in your head that he was wrong for you, your heart will follow soon. Your heart always takes a little bit longer because it is not governed by logic. I believe the pain is the difference between your head and your heart. But little by little, I think the heart "gets" it.

One thing that also has helped me is that I keep thinking I was capable of loving on such a deep level, of giving myself completely to another person. He couldn't recepricate but at least I could do that. That means I will be able to do it again. I just have to be careful about who I do that too.

I know this is long but I'm a talker and it helps to write! Feel free to write me anytime and I hoped I've helped. I hope your day is a little brighter.
-swallens

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
In reply to: leb1776
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 11:58am

Thank you for the response.

L2B

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
In reply to: leb1776
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 11:06am

Hello Ladies,


You have taken the words right out of my mouth.


My relationship was not