Desperate??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Desperate??
1
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 12:00am

Let me first say that I feel like a total 12 year old- I am a grown woman and I cannot let go of someone in my life.

To make a long story short 3 years ago my boyfriend and I broke up-he wanted to experience new things. During this time he had a girlfriend that no one knew about. She is a total skank, she went out with a friend of his behind his back, and cheated on him numerous times. A year ago we started talking about getting back together. Well we did but he never stopped seeing this other woman. I knew about her, but of course he was telling both of us that he didn't want the other right...

Now he is telling me that they have gotten back together and have been so for a month-after I caught him in a lie. All this time he has been stringing me along, but always saying that he was "confused" and didn't know excactly what he wanted. He would tell me he loved me, call me 5 times a day, say that he didn't want to be friends (we have a son togerther) he can't let me go, staying the night at my place. Of course she thinks that he is being faithful, she knows about the last year.

Why do I feel so rejected? I know he is nasty and she is nasty, but I feel like I am not good enough, (I haven't been with anyone else since me and him 8 years ago) he wants someone that is loose and lies over me? Why can't I see that in him? I feel extremely jealous that now they are going to be laughing and loving-while I am not.

How do I let all of this drama go and not let whether they make it matter to me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: jelleelle
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 2:03pm

Hey sweetie, you've had a rough ride this past year or two. It is so hard when you are in a situation to see it objectively. I know my mind knew all of the terrible things my ex did and the way he used me, but my heart still loved him and believed in him.... My advice would be to stop contact if you still speak to him (for alittle bit, I realize you have a child with him) and draw a bottom line. You will not tolerate a cheater, a liar and someone who is "confused" on how they feel. Repeat to yourself that you are worth so much more than second best or someones doormat. You will still cry and feel sad and maybe not even believe yourself at first, but *know* that you are doing the right thing. You need to be the strong, beautiful, loving women and mommy that your son needs, and get away from this dude. If he wants to contribute as a father than let him prove himself, but YOU do not need his love or attention. There is so much more out there, never settle for the lousy crumbs this guy is feeding you. Eventually you will start to see through the fog and realize how horrible he's been to you, and you wouldn't recommend any of your girlfriends to stay in this situation, pining over this loser.
You also can't think about their relationship or what they are doing. They are not happy, I guarantee it. I had to go over in my mind, over and over that my ex cheated on his gf with me, he would cheat on me as well if I was his gf. Hold on to the anger that he has treated you and this chic like used meat!! His commitment and fidelity issues have nothing to do with you as a person, and his treatment does not define who you are. Let no contact keep you from knowing whats going on, and work on positive thoughts about your future. IF you start to think negative thoughts, or compare yourself to her, or ask why not me??? then STOP and start counting your blessings, and pray for strength and peace, everything happens for a reason, and He up above has everything under control. You just have to let go alittle, and let Him lead your life. Hugs to you, and you will get through this I promise!!

This too shall pass,
Grace