Devastated

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Devastated
2
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:48am
Hi, I'm hoping for some words of encouragement that can get me through this sheer hell. My fiance of three months just broke up with me last Wed (we were together for 5 yrs) and I'm really struggling. The mornings seem the worst but I just feel so consumed with grief I can't imagine how I'm going to survive this. I'm no spring chicken (41) and have never been married and feel like this was my last chance, not to mention that this man was the love of my life. I can see through the pain right now. Can't sleep, eat or focus on work and I feel like it's going to get so much worse as I start to miss him even more. Please, any words of advice to help get through this would be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ka1964
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 11:42am

ka1964...

Pianoguy isn't sure that the following words will offer you any 'encouragement'--but perhaps it'll get your brain cells something to consider?

Having been married twice (16 years and 15 months)...and experiencing a relationship with a woman that began on a 'high note'---and gradually descended into several 'minor chords'---I think I can't understand your disappointment? You invested 5 years of your life with a man who meant EVERYTHING to you? But sadly...the feelings inside of him were GONE!

Realizing that this chapter of your life is over, you really have 2 choices:

1. Rehash the unhappiness from this unfortunate relationship indefinitely....OR
2. Realize that you have special qualities to offer someone else who will (hopefully) appreciate those qualities more than the EX did?

All of us can 'miss' having a person in our lives....but eventually, we have to realize that there are friends and lovers who enter and leave for various lengths of time! There's no contract determining how long the time will be...simply because there are many factors.

Health...job-related situations...the death of a family member...and especially PERSONAL DESIRES AND MUTUAL GOALS can often determine whether we wish to continue things the way they are...or just head off in a different direction?

So if you can focus on YOURSELF instead of what MIGHT have been...I'll bet you'll have an easier time making the adjustment?

Best wishes and warm thoughts...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
In reply to: ka1964
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 1:44pm

HI ka1964

I KNOW YOU FEEL DEVASTATED RIGHT NOW!!! BUT DONT FORGET ABOUT YOUR SELF YOU DONT WANT TO END UP GETTING SICK RIGHT..LIKE YOU MENTION YOU CANNOT EAT, SLEEP OR CANNOT FOCUS AT WORK..RIGHT I MEAN THINK ABOUT YOURSELF NOW...DO YOU THINK HIS DOING SAME THING LIKE YOU<<>>>

WHOS GOING TO SUFFER LATER ISNT NOT HIM..BUT YOU WILL!!!

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING...THIS MORNING SOME HOW ME AND MY NEIGHBOR HAVING THIS CONVERSATION ABOUT RELATIONSHIP COZ HER DAUGHTER SOME HOW WAS WORKING 2 JOB PLUS SHE GOES TO SCHOOL AND SHE ONLY 19/20 YRS OLD I THINK...I WAS THINKING WHY SHE DOING THAT?...I ASK HER MOM...IF HER DAUGHTER JUST HAD HEART BROKEN RESENTLY...SHE SAID YES!!! JUST THIS VALENTINE AND HER SISTERS MOM REPLY...SHE SAID BEFORE WENT SHE GET UPSET WITH HER BF/EXBF..SHE NEVER PUT HER SELF DOWN AND SHE LOOK FOR ANOTHER PERSON THAT WILL LOVE HER LIKE THE WAY SHE LOVES HIM ...LIKE WHAT I LEARN ABOUT RELATIONSHIP!!! RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE MAKING SALES TALK IF THIS PERSON IS NOT BUYING...YOU HAVE TO KEEP ON GOING!!! LOOK FOR ANOTHER CLIENT THAT WOULD BE INTERESTED IN YOUR BUSINESS!!!!

GOOD LUCK DEAR AND GOD BLESS YOU!!!