Devastated and Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Devastated and Confused
2
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 4:20pm
My boyfriend is about to be deployed to Iraq for a year in 3 weeks and he told me the other day that he can't have a girlfriend right now because he's scared to death and filled with anger and depression. He also said that "we are not done for good, just taking a break right now" and that this was very hard for him to do. He said he's miserable and there's no way he can be around anyone. He wants to be selfish right now and that maybe when he gets back he'll have his head on straight again . I know he's been struggling for months about going to war. It terrifies him. I'm just devastated though. I don't know how to get through this or even how to think or feel. Feel sorry for him or be angry or both? I know he's also pushed his friends and family away and he's assured me it's not personal. As for now, I'm giving him his space, it's just hard. I love him and this breaks my heart on so many levels. Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 5:44pm

I can only imagine how painful this must be for you, but sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go. Try to put yourself into his shoes. He's going off to an uncertain future, not knowing if he will live or die. He simply cannot deal with having the added responsibility of being in a r'ship right now and having to deal with your caring and concern for him. You can be angry, of course, that's normal, but ultimately I think you will feel sorry for him, that he's not capable of accepting love into his life right now.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:36pm
My best advice is to tell him NO. Tell him that pushing you away is not going to make this any easier, and in fact will make it worse. It's not going to make you miss him or worry about him less because technically he's no longer your BF. Tell him you're still going to be there for him, sending him letters and email and care packages. He needs all the support he can get, and when he's there he's going to need all the normalseys of home that he can get.