Devastated on "break-up"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2004
Devastated on "break-up"
3
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 7:09pm
Hello everyone. I'm finding it so hard to deal with my break up with my boyfriend because he betrayed me in the worse way. I have been beyond myself and cannot stop crying and it has been two weeks! He was a solider I supported while he was serving in Afghanistan. He emailed me every day and sought me out through email and phone calls. We had almost everything in common. Our upbringing, our age and just everything it seemed. We became immediate friends and finally met in early Spring. We fell in love and it was the happiest time of my life. When we were together it felt so real, he looked happy and he told me how much he loved me every day. I felt the same way. He had told me that early in his deployment, his former girlfriend cheated on him and left him. As it turned out he was both dating her and me!!! When I confronted him, he said that the other women who is 13 years older than him is just someone who helps him out financially. When I asked him who he loved, he didn't answer the question. He left me in limbo. I wrote him a heartfelt letter in which after not hearing from him in a week, he called to apologize but still left me in limbo. He said he had too much on his mind and was confused. I finally broke down and called him a day later and he treated me like a stranger -- like the plague. I couldn't believe I was talking to the same person who said he would love me forever. He said he was having dinner with his family just about yelling at me and I finally told him it was over when I didn't mean it. I feel awful not only because I was played but because he never gave me an answer as to who he loved. He treated me so awful and now I don't know what to do. I spent a year of my life knowing this man, falling in love with him and being in love with him. I still am in spite of his betrayal. The person I knew was gentle, kind and loving but what happened here? He was my first real love and he knew it. Why did he play me like this? I don't want to hear he was just not into me because he was. I felt it and now I am working on getting over this because he has not called me. I am afraid to call him because of how he may treat me. I did break down and emailed him but haven't heard a word since he does not often have access to email. I feel like a loser and don't know how I will ever get over this. He is getting ready to be deployed again to the middle east and he never gave me the chance for closure. I miss him beyond words. I miss his hugs, his words and just being with him. How could he cheat me out of love? When I called him I didn't mean to break up with him. I wanted to say that I forgave him, but because he yelled at me, I told him it was over. I saw a temper of his that I never knew was there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 11:51am
I was hoping for a response, advice, words of the wise, or some understanding in my situation. Everyone just tells me to get over it, but it isn't easy. I miss what I thought I had. I find it difficult to find anyone who understands what I am going through. I usually don't cry out for help in a public forum, but I won't do it again here after today. I guess I posted in the wrong forum since my message was ignored.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 1:23pm
i am so sorry you are hurting so much over this but you have had a real shock and it will take time to get over it. maybe you need to realize that what you had with him was mostly a fantasy over long distance and when you two got together you really saw the true guy that he is.

do not feel bad for trusting....you trusted him until he gave you a reason not to...and dont feel bad for breaking up with him....be glad you got the chance to do that...you should have done that...no one deserves to be treated like he treated you.

i think you were more in love with the idea of him than actually him....you were just finding out what he is really like. is this someone you want to trust your feelings with? i dont think so.

keep up the no contact and get busy with living your life. soon enough he will be only a bad memory and you will find someone who treats your right...

good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 1:35pm
Hi there,

I m just going through the same experience. I recently broke up with my boyfriend. 2 days ago. He is leaving this evening to Europe and I will never see him again.

This whole thing started 2 months ago. Then I took a vacation and went to see him. It looked like we fixed things but in real he only accepted whatever I decided because he did not feel like arguing and did not want to upset me.

Anyhow after one year together and 9 months of long distance relationship that used up my energie and my bank account, he just left without any explanation. He only said that he changed.

I loved him and always thought of him as the best thing that happened to me. I cried so many nights before to the point that I started feeling pity for myself.

I never got answers to my questions and will never seek answers I want to just go on with my life. I think if he loves you and wants you back he will contact you. I hope my boyfriend wakes up to the reality of loosing me and ask to get back together. Until then I will not wait for him n will not try to understand I will take care of myself and try to occupy myself with things that I like to do like sports and I might try volunteer work.

I suggest you do the same. Think of it as if he will one day come back to you and dont feel like it is over. Gradually you will be over him and even if he comes back you might be with someone else or simply happy to be without him!

hugs