DEVESTATED, please please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
DEVESTATED, please please help me
4
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 3:38pm
Im in major need of some advice and help. My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago for the second time. The first time we broke up because he said he was feeling overwhelmed and told me he fell out of love with me. Then a month later he called me on the phone crying hysterically. He asked if I could come by so we could talk. I did and he just cried and cried about how he made the biggest mistake of his life and told me he never stopped loving me. He said he would do anything to make it work and that being with me was all he wanted. I gave him another chance because i love him, he was my first love and the month a spent without him was so unbearable i almost left school. Now he has left me again and i have never been so scared. He was my life i did everything for him and i really thought he was going to be the man i married. i know it sounds crazy, but hes the kind of boy that you only hear about in fairy tales. i never was happier or felt more beautiful than was i with him. When we broke up it was right before coming back to school from christmas break. He said he didnt want to be held down or have anything holding him back and he felt our connection was just gone. I will admit things were a little off for a while...it was because i was so stressed about the future. Hes working in Michigan all summer...going abroad to Spain next fall...and then Im going abroad. It was weighing on my mind so heavily that i was so afraid to be happy. We havent spoken in over a week and i feel empty and scared and like im going to have a heartattack at any moment. I dont know how to get over him...i keep praying that he will come back to me...and im just so afraid to let myself get over it. He was my first love...and the things i had with him and experienced were things i never thought i would. He made me feel like a princess and im so afraid i wont have it again. Also being at school is so hard...hes right up the street and all i want to do is run over and talk to him. I see his friends eveywhere and everything at school draws up some type of memory. All i want to do is talk to him...i know it wont get me anywhere...but i still feel like hes the one im supposed to be with. I feel crazy because this weakness that i have now is so untypical for me...i have no idea how to handle it. I cry all day out of no where...and the only thing on my mind is him. Also i find myself checking his profile constantly online so i can see where he is...i know i should delete it but i cant. I really feel like i have died and there are so many moments where i blame myself. I cant stand the thought of losing him forever...but i dont know when the right time to see him would be...once we leave from school i have no idea when i would see him again and i cant stand the thought of leaving without seeing him but i dont know if it will make it harder. Sorry for this being so long...i really just need some help and advice. Is this pain going to go away...i feel like my life is being controlled by it...and i still have moments where i dont belevie its really real...especially today when i woke up on this first weekend apart in my own bed alone. I dont know what thats like...i only know what its like to wake up next to him and now im not...how can i move on...please help me because right now i dont think i will ever get back up again or ever stop loving him every moment of every day
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 4:00pm

I swear to you - it WILL get easier.

Sometimes, although this is hard to hear right now, these things just happen. You don't want to fight a one sided battle to save a relationship, right? If so, then you really have to find a way to move on.

Get with your friends - and get out of the house! I'm telling you that three weeks ago, I wanted to die (not in the suicidal sense...) so that the pain would stop. The pain was real, and physical. I did not want to get out of bed, take a shower, sleep, eat or do ANYTHING. But I DID. And, I kept living.

YOU have to keep living. Don't focus on the idea of moving on with your life... don't make decisions right now... get through one minute at a time until you can move on to hours.

If you're not eating - make sure you are drinking water and gatorade.

And, read the other posts here and keep venting.

Don't make yourself stop crying. You cry your heart out until you cannot cry any more... and prepare yourself for the anger that will come when the crying stops.

Grief is hard, break ups are hard... I know right now exactly how you feel. But TRUST me when I tell you sweetie that it will get easier.

I promise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 6:00pm
Dear Heartbroken,
I can't offer any magic answers,I wish I could .I'm in the same situation you are,& it is devastating.I would advice seeking counseling.I went last week for the 1st time & it really helped to talk to someone other than my friends & family (who are over me being so upset)Today is day 13 for me,The crying has at least stopped.They say the next stage is anger,I haven't gotten there ,yet.Just know you are not alone.Do you have a friend or network of friends you can talk to? Family? Also,writing down your feelings has helped me.Try to at least drink fluids,go for a walk,,take a bubble bath,even if you don't feel like it.I am moving all of my things out of his house tommorrow & constantly thinking of that awful thing i have to do.I keep telling myself,one day he will realize what he has lost,& come back.I think my family would dis own me.Hang in there,keep posting,read & re read the messages,it's helped me.Hugs,girlfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 9:01pm

Losing your first love is devastating. You feel like nobody understands your pain. You can't keep yourself focused on anything but him. You can't eat or sleep. The pain is just unbearable. It's really hard. You hear people telling you, "If you love something, set it free.." and you hear, "everything happens for a reason" and all of this just drives you nuts.

Everyone goes through the heartache and pain of losing their first loves. It's the worst feeling in the world. You've gotta pull yourself together and as hard as it is to imagine, try to imagine how happy you were before he came along. Find that one true friend who will never get tired of hearing your problems. If you don't have one, confide in your closest family member. Don't stay home all day, it'll only make you think of him even more. Keep yourself as busy as you can.

After my first love and I broke up, I felt like I lost all of my good friends. I felt betrayed and so alone. Somehow, I managed to make new friends, picked up a job, and planned something to do everyday just so I could keep myself occupied. Unlike many girls, I HATE shopping and I HATE going to the salon, but I decided to try new things. After buying new clothes and getting my hair cut, I noticed so many people complimented me. It made me feel good. So even if you don't like doing certain things, you should give it a try. Just know that the pain and sorrow that you feel now will only prepare you for the happiness that awaits you in the future. =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 12:29pm

Hello,

I'm truly sorry that you are going through such incredible pain right now. I wish that there was a magic solution to all this, but unfortunately this is the real world. I know what you are going through because I am going through it right now too. This is actually day 2 for me and its been really hard. Every morning I wake up crying and I feel like I can't stop. But as hard it is right now, you have to really try and understand that everything really does happen for a reason. I know, you're thinking its so typical for people to say "everything happens for a reason", but it does. Its just that we are so hurt right now that we cannot see beyond our pain. I miss him so much, but at the same time I know that there is nothing I can do if he decided that this is not working. Spend more time with friends and family eventhough you will still have him on your mind constantly, from time to time you will be destracted by something else if you're with people. There is no easy way. We all know that. But have faith and patience that everything happens for the best even if you don't see it yet. With time you will understand why this had to happen. Good luck to you.