Did i do the right thing?
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Did i do the right thing?
| Sun, 07-30-2006 - 1:42pm |
Here is my situation. I have been with my ex-boyfriend for almost a year. Things are great. We enjoy doing the same things we have the same plans but he after being together for about 8 months i saw that he was on a friend finder. The message that i found was him telling a girl that she was "cute" and to email him if she would like and they could "chat". We had a huge fight and almost broke up. I decided to give him another chance because there was no further contact and he said that he would never do it again and if he did than he knew that i would break up with him. Well i recetly found out that a girl that has a crush on him has been emailing back and forth. He said that he had a girlfriend but was interested in getting to know her as a friend. They chatted a couple more times and she wanted to meet for drinks and he said that she could stop by his work one day instead. Her intentions were very clear to him and i felt like he was keeping his options open because he didn't stop the relationship. So i broke up with him. It was the hardest thing that i have ever had to do. He admitted to everything and said that it meant nothing and he would stop all contact with her. Too little too late. Anyway, i miss him sooo much. I know that this is typical in this situation but i felt like he had to know that i am completey serious and when i say i will not accept this behaviour, i mean it. Secretly i am waiting for him to contact me and i feel that he won't because it is me that did this. How can i continue being strong and sticking to my guns when i want to talk to him so badly and find out how he is doing? I want to know that i did the right thing. Your replys are greatly appreciated.

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You definitely did the right thing if you want to be with an honest, trustworthy man who is willing and capable of being in a committed, monogamous relationship. He's not that guy.
Sheri
karebare90...
PG is gonna hit you with both barrels of the "emotional shotgun!"
Any woman who constantly reunites with a man who is inclined to "cheat on her" deserves what she gets!
You MISS this man because he was THE ONLY MAN in your LIFE! Not because he was faithful or truthful.
Would you please give yourself permission to let this idiot break some other feminine hearts? He certainly has broken yours ENUF!
Pianoguy
Also, i think that sometimes people make mistakes and think too much with their heart and not their heads but i really don't think that anybody deserves getting hurt.
karebare90...
PG thinks a mistake is a one or no more than a 2-time event. Anything further (or similar) with other women is calculated.
But since you're obviously STILL IN LOVE with this man...anything negative that I might express will probably fall on 'deaf ears?'
Pianoguy
You broke up with him because of what you thought she *might* do.
nikkilicious...
First...Pianoguy appreciates your comments..and thanks you for taking the time to write them down.
As MOST ivillage members already know (after reading thousands of PG responses that were written during the course of the past 6 years)...using the 3rd person is strictly a writing style. You (or your high school English teacher) might disapprove of it, but most ivillagers AREN'T bothered by it! It's a writing style...PERIOD!
But here's something you might want to keep in mind?
If you (or ANY women) expect all men to react or respond in a tone completely similar to the one you'd prefer, you'll probably be very disappointed with MOST of us...not to mention the words we use! Our point of view on an issue could completely be the opposite of yours..or they may be certain areas that we agree on, and others that we don't? How we express ourselves usually 'makes the difference between YOUR points of view and OURS a lot clearer!'
Even if YOU consider my thoughts or advice condescending, other women apparently have been helped by some of it? I've been told in an email, by personal letter, or over the telephone that my suggestions helped them understand their husbands, b/f's and s.o's behavior a little better? Or that a "PG suggestion" helped them arrive at a personal decision a lot quicker?
As a result, many of these ladies (from ivillage) have become close, dear, personal friends.
After reading your profile, and the fact that you have a lot of ambition and dreams for yourself (not to mention your 11-year old daughter), I completely understand why you might be frustrated by some of the comments I make on this (or perhaps some of the other L&S boards)? But try to remember that I'm only relating ONE MAN'S HONEST PERSPECTIVE on a question or issue. What I write is based on the words women use in their posts. So my reaction or comments WON'T ALWAYS BE 100% POSITIVE or SYMPATHETICALLY EXPRESED IN A TONE OR MANNER that you might be prefer?
BUT...they WILL be HONEST!
No ivillager (yourself included) has to accept or even bother reading them if they wish not too!
Pianoguy
I can't speak for the OP, of course, but to me, the fact that he kept the new friendship a secret from his gf would be the dealbreaker, given his previous history. Maybe I'm reading the original post wrong, but I don't think he DID tell her about his new friend--I think the OP found OUT about her. If you have to keep it secret, then there's something fishy, IMO. But if I'm reading that wrong and he was open with the OP about this woman from the get go, then my response would be different.
Sheri
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