Did I do the right thing....PLEASE help!
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Did I do the right thing....PLEASE help!
| Wed, 07-06-2005 - 12:51am |
Hi! I had been "dating" this guy for 3 months. We had met 2 years ago at a bar and had been running into each other ever since. We went home together one night but NEVER had sex. He called me that very day. We would meet each other out and hang out together at each others houses. We never went on an official date in 3 months. Right before he met me he broke up w/his girlfiend of over a year. They broke up because she wanted to get married and have kids and he didn't want that w/her. About a month ago I started getting irritated because he never took me out on an official date just the two of us. When I confronted him about this he told me that if he took me out to all these places that he was afraid that I would assume that we were boyfriend/girlfiend. You see he had always been honest w/me before and had told me that he didn't want a girlfriend right now because he just got out of a relationship. I told him that I needed time to think about what I wanted. I left for vacation that next morning. I was gone for 3 days and the day before I came home he called me to tell me that he missed me. We never had sex only oral during these 3 months . I couldn't do it without a commitment. Yesterday I met him out and he was obviously flirting w/ a girl right in front of me. I let him know what I picked up on and he denied it and said she was his friend's girlfriends friend and had a boyfriend. I basically told him that I needed to end things w/him because I needed a commitment. He said that he told me that he just got out of a relationship and didn't want a girlfriend and asked me why I wanted to make things complicated. I then told him that I thought we needed to end things. I told him that if I really meant that much to him it wouldn't matter that he just got out of a relationship. He asked me if he could still call me and I said NO. He asked why and I said because I had feelings for him and I couldn't talk to him because I had feelings. It would be too hard. He said okay and did admit that he had feelings too. My question is was I correct in saying that no matter if he just got out of a relationship just before he met me if I was worth it he would make it work whether he was ready for a commitment or not.....right? Also, why would he still want to call me if he couldn't commit to me. Please give me any input....Thank you!

Bella you deserve so much better than this. As much as it hurts to hear, the guy does not want to commit to you...period. The fact that he still wants to keep the communication lines open so that you can please each other orally does not sound like someone you should want to have a future with anyway. He wants you to be his sex buddy and that's just plain wrong and nasty on his part. And the flirting with other girls in front of you only reinforces this disrespect for you. Tell him to get lost and stand your ground. You'll find someone to treat you a heck of lot better than this scrub.
Take Care!
Alison
Just my opinion. He just got out of a relationship and needs time to heal. If HE is worth it to YOU than you need to give him that time and hopefully thru your understanding his situation and letting him know that and not pressuring him into a commitment then you will win his love. I know what its like to have just gotten out of a relationship and he needs time to figure out who he is and what he wants. The more you give altamatives and the more you pressure the more he will pull away. Its only been 3 months if its meant to be than you two have many years ahead of you so why are you rushing
The guy and yourself were in a FWB type of deal. It doesn't matter if you had intercourse or oral SEX...it's sex. He was out of a relationship and looking for some loving without the committment. You entered this deal and accepted it for 3 months. You hung out and had sex..oral SEX. This was what he was looking for. When you confronted him he told youn the truth...he's NOT looking for a GF.
You were right when you told him that you didn't want him to call you. It's your right to protect yourself gfrom hurting. He can't commit so why continue involved with him? It's possible that if he called you I'd be to pick up where you left off...meaning sex and hanging out...NO committment.
Move on and next time don't get sexual unless you ask before what you're status is. Having oral sex/intercourse doesn't mean you're a couple or that you're BF and GF.