Did I make the right decision?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2011
Did I make the right decision?
Sun, 07-31-2011 - 10:17pm


First time I've posted on one of these forums... I think its very sweet that you can open up and people can give each other advice on these things, and I would love to hear any of your opinions.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years last night... it was very difficult to do, and he was very adamant about sticking it out and working through and I feel the most guilty about hurting such a sweet guy. The majority of our relationship has been online (we've literally only seen each other about 3 weeks out of the two years)... there is quite an age gap between us, and hes very ready to get married and get things moving whereas I dont mind taking a bit more time with that decision... but thats not the issue... what I've found the most difficult to deal with is when we do see each other in real life, he isnt at all affectionate and loving, and we can't seem to keep a conversation going (whereas online is a lot more comfortable!). Online I sincerely feel he feels a lot of love and affection for me, and is genuinely interested in what I have to say but in real life it feels like I'm with a stranger... even though we'd spend all of 10-12 days day in and out with each other... which I would think is enough time to get over shyness. Or no? He doesnt seem to think there is anything wrong at all when i have brought it up.

There are a few small things here and there that arent perfect with the relationship (but which relationship doesnt have its problems?)... but I'm the kind of person that really needs to be shown love and I love conversation... but at the same time are those important enough reasons to end a relationship? He's very caring, committed and has solid values. i ended it only because I know he wants to settle down and I didnt want to waste his time waiting for me... I'm overseas at the moment which is why we're in this situation... I dont know if I did the right thing. Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 11:00am

You did the right thing.

An online relationship is fantasy. It works because you don't have to deal with the reality of what it's like to physically be in one another's presence. So you, realistically, are using the physical presence part of your relationship (which is SO short) as the determining factor in your compatibility.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 12:36pm

I second everything UCC said.