DID I MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
DID I MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION???
2
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:58am

Hi there,

I'm new to posting here in iVillage. So go easy on me :oq

I want to know if you think I made the right decision.

I decided to take a break from my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. He's a wonderful man. He cherishes me, is completely devoted, faithful and loving. The only thing is I feel like he's not stepping up to the plate.

He lacks in communication. It's hard for him to express his feelings and sometimes I feel like its pulling teeth. We've been together for a long time and you'd figure that by this time he would know how to communicate with me. He's the quiet shy type.

Another thing is his finances. He's been struggling lately. He recently got a new job and he's saving up for a down payment for his car. Whenever we go somewhere I'm the one driving him around. My family and friends doesn't think that he's the right guy for me. They feel like he's not worthy of me. The thing is... whenever we go out to dinner or do something I always have to foot the bill. Don't get me wrong. It's 2007 a woman can pay her own way. That's the type of person I am. But I feel like I'm the one wearing the pants in the relationship and he's not taking any strides to meet me in the middle-- where we can both wear the pants.

I feel like I spoil him and I don't give him the opportunity to show that he can be a real man. Whenever his bills are late... I take care of it. I feel like I'm the one who is always catching him when he falls. I don't want him to use me as a crutch.

The thing is this: This is the first time the both of us have been a serious and deep loving relationship. My boyfriend never had a girlfriend take care of him and pay attention to him the way I do. Then I come along and I change his perspective on what love is. And the same goes for me. It's not an issue of LOVE. It's there. I love him very much. But is love enough? When we live in the real world outside the fairy tale ending? Is love enough when there are bills to pay or when there's family and friends who disagree? Is love enough to carry a relationship?

I want to give him a chance to prove to me and to everyone that he can be a man and meet me in the middle. I don't want to row this boat by myself. I want him there with me-- paddling to shore. And right now it's not that way. I am the one carrying this relationship.

SO>> do you think I made the right choice? Oh by the way its day two of our breakup. Be gentle on iVillage.

~AznSiren

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 1:36pm

Welcome to the board aznsiren,


How are things now that a few days have passed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:42pm

Hi cl-itwinflame,

Thanks so much for following up with me. My boyfriend and I have been talking. He and I came to a mutual agreement that it is crucial to have space and figure things out for ourselves. You know. I haven't given up. I'm always a hopeful person. I guess that's just the optimist in me. I know that if we are meant to be then it will be. A friend of mine said: "If you love it... let it go... if it's meant to be yours then it will come back."

I guess that's where I am at this point. He was very sad as was I but we've come to terms that we have our own growing up to do. It'll be hard but I'm getting through it. I have the support and love of my friends and family. They've been terrific and it's only week 2.

Thanks again for your kind concern.

~AznSiren