Did I make the right decision?
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| Tue, 09-06-2005 - 5:56pm |
I just started using a message board because I need help. I broke it off with my ex fiance a few Saturday's ago, not this past sat but the one before. We were going through problems (as i described in my 1'st posting) I was miserable, he wasn't there for me, he always made plans without me (when he used to include me). I saw that he was talking to some girl that I didn't know about until I snooped around and found a text message in his phone. I then pulled up call records, he insisted she was a friend and when I pulled the records I saw he only talked to her like once or twice a month, but some of it was right after he got off of work at 3 in the morning. It looked shady and that is where our problems started. I found that out about 2 months ago and from that point on, even though that situation was "resolved" we continued to have problems. My trust was shot (because of that and other things he did to me in the past). He always made plans with his friends and they did not include me anymore, he wanted to go a whole weekend to the beach with his friend and his friends parents (he said I couldn't go because his friend's mom was not cool with girls staying there, what is the problem when he is 25, I am 27, and we are engaged to get married and living together). I think he was lying. The other point is I only was able to see him on Sat., Sun. and Monday nights because he works nights and I work days. He kept telling me through all of this trouble we have been having that he loves me and he is willing to do whatever I ask to make things better. He did, but I wasn't happy because I could tell he wasn't. I wanted him to spend more time with me, he did for a weekend, but I was miserable because he was pushing my buttons the entire time (I don't think it was intentional, I just think he wanted to be somewhere else). Anyway these are just a few things.
I know this relationship was unhealthy because I was sad, upset and depressed for the last 2 months of it. He kept telling me to work at the relationship and not give up. I tried. Things started to seem really shady when he decided he wanted a seperate savings account (he talked me into a joint account, stupid move I know, but I did it). He knew I was getting a settlement for a few thousand dollars, and I told him at first I was going to pay off our CC debt. Well when things seemed funny I decided I wasn't paying any of his things off and I wasn't giving him any of the money. He told me that was shady of me, I said to him that he was acting shady. Needless to say that very next day (Friday) he told me while I was at work that he was moving out, but he still wanted to be together. I felt a sigh of releif, yet I was upset. I guess I wasn't expecting it. He said because we had been getting along so bad, he thought some space from living together would help us. I didn't say anything to him until he got home, but I told him it's over. I think he wanted to just come and go as he pleased and not have me say anything. When he comes home late at night, I wouldn't be there to ask what he was out so late for. I'm not stupid so I ended it.
Now about 1 1/2 weeks later, I am really sad. I took this really good the first week. Then this past Fri. I heard he was taking a girl from work out to lunch (same one I heard he was flirting with when we were together and he denied it). Now for some reason the pain is killing me. I want to call him so bad and tell him I love him, but yet I don't. I always hope he would show some pain or guilt by sending me flowers or something but he doesn't. I know I am better off without him, I just need some help and encouraging thoughts to help me through this. I do not plan to get back with him. I don't know why these thoughts, wishing he will call, send flowers, etc. are coming in, because in reality I just want to be done with him. I guess I want to know hes in pain like me.....
Any advice to help me through this? I was the one who broke it of completely, why am I feeling this way???

It's totally normal to 2nd guess your decision. What has helped me in the past is making lists of the reasons WHY I broke things off, to keep me strong during weak moments. Even better than writing a list on a piece of paper is making a set of index cards, one reason per card. That way, you have a visible reminder...a whole *stack* of reasons! It helps, too, to write things on each card that remind you of the bad emotions you were feeling while you were in the relationship. For example, one card would talk about him visiting his friend's family without you, and exactly how bad that made you feel.
Hope this helps,
Sheri
Me too.
I completely and totally with every ounce of my being despise my ex right now for reasons that I don't want to get into (They're posted on several threads, I know!)
Anyways, just thinking about him makes me so angry that I could yell.
But at the same time I cry.
Even this horrible terrible person who has completely shattered my heart as well as my trust in just about everybody I know, I still miss him.
I wish I didn't and I can't explain it a bit.
But I do understand.
Hope you feel better soon!