Did I mess it up or is it better off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2006
Did I mess it up or is it better off?
5
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 9:55am

So I'm approaching the longest I've gone without talking to my ex since we meet (only 2 weeks, which, ironically he broke). Anyway, last time we tried talking again he was so hurt by me (and I by him, it's a sticky situation) and I called and he picked up and talked very briefly. I asked if it was ok and he said yes. A few days later I called to get a number from him and said we should get a drink, he said not that day, but for sure another time (infact he made a point to say it at the end of the convo). Then a few days later I called and he said he wasn't comfortable talking to me. I couldn't believe it! I didn't understand why leading up he would pretend like it was fine. He said he needed a long long time and he didn't know when if ever he'd want to talk to me again. Then I said, you must really hate me. He said, no, i think you're nice. So then he hung up. Next day I just needed to tell him I really didn't want him to fall in a big black hole and disappear from my life forever, that it was fine to not hang out for a while or talk, but that it's important to me to stay aquanted in the long run. Anway, he said he was at lunch (which he was) and he had to go. I asked if he would call back and he said, I dont' know. Surprise Surprise, he didn't (I'm being saracastic). So as soon as I got off the phone I deleted him from my cell. I was so hurt that he acted fine and then the whole time he wasn't. (which was the same thing he did the last month of our relationship before he broke it off). Then I wonder if it was too much too soon and if I've ruined the chances of having a friendship with him again.

We were never in love, no one cheated on anyone, we were never even fully committed to each other, but we continued to be intimate sometimes and that is were all the lines blurred and came to a crash. So now, I'm starting to want to call him again, after I've moved on and have felt good about it. I have his number written down and I know some by heart. But when I go to the phone I just tell myself, why do you want to call him? What do you have to say? And it's nothing. So I don't and I'm happy about that. But it's getting harder.

I am prob going to run into him this weekend and I dont' want to. I ran into him last week and ignored him and I saw how he looked at me. He's freaked out and it freaks me out more to see him so weirded out by me. It's weird. I've never had anyone react to me this way and I have this need to make it "happy ending" in the sense of everyone is "happy and fine". I"m wondering if it is ever okay to approach or call him again? AM I being right by acting this way? And if I still want this friendship so bad down the line, is it possible?

jUst got a lot on my mind, maybe it's not making any sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 11:44am

Let's just calm down a bit, ok?


If you want this friendship AT ALL down the line, since no one was cheated on disrespected or

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 2:22pm

what i suggest is to stop calling him...control yourself.....i know its hard but you could do that...i did..others did!!

so why not you...everything is just in your mind.."you cant"...but the truth is "you could"....why your going to call him...his not even calling you or wants to talk to you...

just try to put on your mind....if he doesnt want to be with you...it will never your lost...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 4:44pm
I liked that article Sandra... it was helpful. I do the same thing every time I want to call which I still haven't done after six looooong weeks - I go work out or I call and cry to my Mom or best friend or sister. What I wouldn't do without the amazing women in my life, I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2006
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 6:14pm

I think I misrep myself. I did stop calling him. I'm saying that's the hard part. I tell myself, stop, don't do it, when I get an urge. And explain to myself I really have nothign to say that hasn't been said. (Although, I have to say that when I said I needed to say one last thing and the person replied I didn't. I really did. It made me feel 100% better to say it and it allowed me to delette his number and not call anymore).

Anyway, I appreciate all your advice. But what do you do when you want to call? but you don't cause you know not to, but you get that sad feeling? HOw long is this supposed to last?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 8:44pm

Hiya,

I think that you just need a little space and a little time. You need to let him go. If it was not meant to be, then it simply was not meant to be. It isn't that either of you are bad people. There is no good and bad in these situations, you just don't belong together.

Give yourself some time and space to realize this fully and discover yourself and what makes you happy and what makes you tick. You'll realize how much more you actually want (and not need). Breaking up is tough. You don't have to tell me twice. I am currently living with my ex (who broke up me w/last week), but I am sane enough to realize that it was never meant to be and am oddly relieved, though quite sad. I am looking for love that you find in novels. Not perfect, but right. You'll find it. Just give yourself time.