Did I push him away?
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Did I push him away?
| Fri, 11-12-2004 - 9:39pm |
Hi everyone. My fiancee and I were together for four years and planning to get married next year. We have had a sort of stormy relationship due a lot of high drama issues. We worked through many of them. This year we were bombarded with external problems. We bought a hosue out of state and coulnd't handle the financial pressure and commuting pressure. The house was solely in my name because his credit is bad. We broke up and I ending up selling the house. We got back together and moved into an apartment. Soon after we moved we found out I was pregnant. Shortly after that I found out my job was being relocated out of state. Fortunatley, I found a new job, but I was pregnant and the pregancy was making me very ill. I threw up all of the time and started taking time off of my new job. Right after that he got laid off. We decided to terminate the pregnancy. I was devestated. He has been out of work now for five months. During this time he has been very down and uncommunicative. He doesn't talk to me when I try to talk to him. He's become selfish and unappreciative. He's run up parking tickets on the car and had an accident with the car and damaged it. The car is a SUV and we were about to trade it in because I can't afford the payments without him working. Now that it is damaged we can't trade it in until it's repaired. Long story short, I ask him for money from his unemployment check. He blatantly says he spent it hanging out and that he doesn't have any money. I got really mad and said if you don't want to contribute to the household you shouldn't be here. I started packing up his clothes and moved all of his things into the living room. I told him he could stay until he found some place to go. The next night I asked him if he wanted to come back in the bedroom and he said no. So he stayed on the couch all week. Finally, I went out to him and apologized for packing his things (this is the 2nd time I did that) and told him that we really needed to talk and that I loved him. I said that I didn't want him to leave but if he wanted to to just let me know because I didn't want to come home to see him and his things gone. He told me that he wasn 't going anywhere and gave me a hug and a kiss. That evening he talked to me about a possible job and we ate dinner together and watched a movie in bed together. One thing happened that I keep thinking about. My cell phone rang and it was a guy friend of mine. I gave him my number to make my fiancee jealous. When he called my fiancee gave me my cell and waited for me to answer it and I didn't. The next day when I got home from work he had packed up his things and left. He left a message on the answering machine saying that we had too many differences and that he need to make it on his own. I feel that I made a bad situation worse. We went through a lot this year and instead of trying to pull us together my bad attitude pulled us apart. He had a bad attitude too, but some people are telling me that is the way men behave when they are unemployed. It's been a week and he hasn't contacted me. I don't know for sure where he is and I haven't called to ask his parents. Should I just let it go or try to save my relationship. A recruiter called today and said something about him starting a job. I really want to know if he is working. I know he is trying to start over, but he left me in a bad situation financially. What should I do?
Signatures On
| Sat, 11-13-2004 - 7:53pm |
I know this is hard.....but I think you need to realize that he's made his decsion and he decided to end it and he had his own reasons and you need to learn to accept it. I know it hurts now but it does seem like you had a lot of problems and it sounds like you were starting to resent him for not helping.....which sometimes happens....I've been there before. I think you need to accept this as it is...a breakup and try your best to move on. I know it won't be easy...but I think you'll be happier in the long run.....a relationship shouldn't take this much work....it shouldn't be this hard. Good luck and keep us posted!!

