did something stupid (old memories..)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
did something stupid (old memories..)
4
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 4:40pm
i was feeling really down today, and i did probably the most STUPID thing i could have done... i pulled out my bag with old cards/letters/things i had saved. i just want to DIE now. i just don't understand how two people that were SO happy for SO long are just NO MORE now. what changed with him? why did he become so "unhappy" with me. i miss him so much, each day that passes i feel like i miss him more! that isn't how its supposed to be, its supposed to be easier! i always thought he was the one i was going to marry... he used to think that too. when he broke up with me though, he said "i don't see myself marrying you... can you honestly say you saw us getting married?" WHAT MAKES a guy change everything he once felt!?!?! i just don't understand any of this, and i probably never will

i am so confused/upset right now. i can't let it get to me like this, i have a HUGE accounting test and project next week, i am supposed to be studying/working on it... but instead i am bawling and reading old letters. what is wrong with me???? i seriously want my phone to ring and him to be on the other end... and for him to tell me he wants to be with me again! i don't want to be apart! i never did!!! i just don't see how he can be HAPPY with this decision. i hope one day he will come around.. i would take him back in a heart beat! i love him SO much, and haven't stopped. do you think it is possible, that he was just confused... that he just needed to get out and see what was out there??

we were together for two and a half years, and have been separated for 3 months and 2 weeks now....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 7:22am
maybe this can be an answer

Most guys u will ever met will tell u the things u want to hear.

And those not necessarily are the same that he really feels.


4 example I have some friends that are real bastards and are "sweet" only with their girlfriends ya know, roses etc etc but all those seem super imposed, like a mask. but the girls really like it and r satisfied with that.

So, see, boys r always meetin new people, and one day they meet a girl that seems more interesting or beautiful than the current significant other... see where i am going?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 10:25am
Hi Hun,

There's nothing wrong with you....you are just trying to heal. Going through old letters and stuff isn't a good idea right now....maybe a couple of years from now, if you want to keep them around that long. It hurts to have the carpet pulled right out from under your feet. I don't know what chaged his mind, or how it happened that fast......but honestly, it wasn't that fast. There were probably lots of things going on in his head for a very long time, and instead of sharing them with you, he just mulled them over until he came to the rather crappy conclusion to break up with you. So now you and I have the same choice. DO we continue to focus on the fact that we are still in love with men who have dumped us, left us, and obviously don't want us? Or do we pack that love away, let him go, and try, each day, to move on? It's a choice. And it's a hard one. I don't want to let him go. And I don't think that you want to let your ex go either. What if you let him go and he leaves your life for ever? I guess we both have to realize that if they want to stay in our lives, they will. Sad thing is, I don't think that's what's gonna happen. So here I sit, holding onto a string that's attached to a balloon that just wants to take off and fly away. And one of these days it will....my grip is starting to loosen a bit, but I'm still holding on to all the dreams that I had. Hun, right now, he's not coming back. And may never. So that's your reality, and while it's tough, that how you have to live your life. I'm on the same sort of time schedule as you, and I desperatly want him to call. So what did I do? Called him last night. FOund out he may be interested in this girl he knows. Broke my heart into little peices all over again. So he's gone. While I still want him back. BUt I don't have that choice, so I have to start making decisions about me.....and tyr desperatly to concince myself that it's ok to not him in my life, and that I won't break down when he has someone new.

Well hun, I don't know why he broke up with you. I don't know why it changes. And this seems to happen to a lot of other people. I wish you well, and send hugs. Take care,

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 12:43pm
having another hard day....i had so many wonderful dreams of him last night. its so weird how real they seem, then i wake up and my life is back to crap. i guess the reason i have so much hope of us getting back together is that i know he still has feelings for me. you see, in september we were hanging out (as friends... we are no longer doing that, i told him it was too hard for me) and he told me that he wanted to be with me again, and that dating other girls has made him realize that even more.. but that he was "scared" things would go back to the way they were. (we were sort of just going along with our relationship like it was a routine... BAD, i know. i didn't care for it much either.. but wouldn't you think with both of us realizing that, and not liking it, we could make it change????? ughhh, i know i can't just hang on to hope, because like all of you and most of the people in my life have told me, he probably isn't going to come back.

i guess i just pictured my life ending up sort of like my brothers. he dated his g/f (now his wife) all througout h/s and college, and they ended up marrying eachother. i guess i just wanted that and thought that is how it would be for me too. we seemed to have so much in common and get along so well, i guess i was wrong though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 2:06pm
I totally, totally understand how you feel. My ex once believed I was 'the one' and talked about marrying me all the time. Somewhere along the line, he changed his mind and I will never understand why.

One of the first things I did right after the breakup was to put away all the pictures and memorabilia of us so not to hurt myself. I did rebound a few times and read an eold love email or read an entry in my diary from good times and it only made me feel worse. I've finally sworn off anything from the past because it will only hurt. I take a diferent route to work so I don't see him and I've put away any painful reminders. You have to do the same. Anything that will make you hurt like this will push you back in healing.

You don't have to throw things away, i haven't, just put them away and don't allow yourself to look at them while you are healing.