didnt go well

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
didnt go well
11
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 12:36am

Well, for those of you that were waiting to see how it went...it didn't go well. (big surpirse) I basically said I know his part and my part in it. I know the mistakes I made, but I would not have given up 5 yrs. He first said that he loved me until recently when our issues piled up and then he loves me but "not that way." THEN he said that he thinks we filled a need for each other and that I never really loved him like that either. I am wondering if that is true. God knows I helped him thru a lot of crap, but he DID come into my life at a time that I was going thru stuff and needed someone too. Is it possible that I thought I loved him and that he was "the one" when I really just wanted someone there- not necessarily him?
Anyone have experience with this?

As for the bills and stuff abt moving on...he wouldn't talk about that. He gave me most of the money for the bills he owed but not all. I told him if we werent going to work thru stuff and the break up was final, I thought that we (when possible) needed no contact. He had tears in his eyes but he said "fine." I wish it could be now so that I could get thru it. *sigh*

Thanks for listening and being so supportive everyone. Maybe this is a start to a realization for me...

Liz

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 1:38am

I read most your post, and I have a quick question for you... I recently broke up with my Xgirl (b/c she was cheating). We were together for almost 3 years, and in that time frame she racked up about $2k on a joint credit card, and half of our last cell bill. Do I just take it on the chin and move on, or do I peruse it?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 8:50am

'morning, Liz. I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't go well, even though it was a long shot that it was going to go well anyway. Don't be afraid to face the possibility that he might have been right. My ex left saying that he really didn't see us working out in 2-3 years, and the more I think about it, the more I am seeing the causes and reasons for the breakup that he saw. I still feel like we might have been able to work it out, but at the same time, I am coming to respect the reasons he left more. That was a hard concept for me to grasp because I kept denying that he could have been right and that there definitely were problems in the relationship. There might be a nugget of truth to the idea that he came into your life at a time that you needed someone, but not necessarily him--and he might have come to this realization first, unfortunately.



At least he did come through on some of the money that he owes you--that speaks well to him paying the rest of it back in time. It would be nice to be able to wash your hands of that, but it is what it is.



All in all, it seems as if it could have gone worse--hang in there and be thankful for the little steps forward. ::hug:: Hope today is better for you.



Wess' Website

uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2006
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 9:35am

I would pursue it if I were you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 1:18pm
Sorry to hear that...I know it sucks (for lack of a better word)! If he did want to come back to you though...would you have taken him back? Do you think you could ever trust him again? It would drive me crazy to always be wondering what someone is doing. I know I wouldn't be able to trust my ex! :-( I knew that shortly after I began to see some things he had been doing. I just really wanted things to be OK! So painful! It would be so nice to have someone that we would never have to worry about! I think everyone deserves that much! Also, better you find out now than 5-10 years down the road after you have invested all that time! Anyway, you know I'm here if you need me! (((hugs))) I know nothing makes it feel better inside!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 1:25pm

Thanks, litgirl! Yeah 5 years was long enough...at least we arent married with kids. No, I doubt I would want him back. It is just awkward sharing an apartment especially when I know he only comes home when I am not here and I believe he is bringing new girl over to OUR place. I told him not to- but you know I am sure that went in one ear and out the other. It is so embarrassing that our neighbors met this "loving couple" this past Summer- they even took pics of us on Halloween they thought we were so cute. Now, they see him bringing in another girl?! SO disrespectful!

We DO deserve better. I just wish I had not wasted so much time, energy, money, and love on someone who did not stick by me and mistreated me.

How are you doing with things?

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 1:52pm
OMG...he is NOT bringing her to your place! That is disgusting...this guy just doesn't stop! Shows that girl's character too...there is NO WAY I would go spend the night at my boyfriend's ex's place with him! Dear GOD! Doesn't she see what she is in for? Gosh us women can be so stupid! I hope you can get away from there soon! Thank your lucky stars you didn't marry this guy! I know he is hurting you and that sucks...but his behavior is laughable! Pathetic! xx I'm doing ok...still nc!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 1:56pm

yeah! That is how I found out he was cheating! Pictures of us, cards from me, valentine decorations were taken down/ put away/ moved. And, "A <3s E" (our names in hearts) was over the main bedroom (we have 3) door- ripped down and thrown in the dirt and then stuck back up. My valentine gift to him was hidden under my pet's cage in the back corner of my room. etc. I KNEW SOMEONE had been there. He broke up with me only after I caught him with this and the other "clues". YUCK! I hate being here but I just have no choice right now and have to be strong. I LOVE talking to you guys- thanks so much!

Glad you're still NC- good for you!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 1:59pm
PS- I don't think she has pieced it together yet, but if she is semi-smart she could tell that we were together easily. When he was starting this nonsense and telling me that she knew we were together and she was calling him nonetheless, I (stupidly) texted her and her response was to call my then-bf and ask "Why is THAT GIRL texting me?" Mustve told her I am his roommate, crazy girl who thinks we are together, or God knows what else...She deserves everything she gets. Sorry, but she does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 2:33pm

UGH...I was feeling so much stronger today and he keeps calling me to see "what I am doing" "how I am doing" or to tell me he saw something that reminded him of me. NOW he called and told me his therapist said that he "deserves to be happy" and shouldnt be with me because he is unhappy with me. OUCH. low blow riiiiight back to square one.

(oh for those of you who do not know- NC is not possible right now due to lease and finances so we live together. If I do not pick up his calls -which are usually nice and civil at least- then it makes it harder because we live together. Good thing that came out of the convo tho is that I caught him in another lie.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 2:41pm

youre definetly better off, NC is hard, but what a jerk, he doesn't deserve to hear from you. i thought about contacting the girl i told my ex not to talk to (for valid reason) he insisted she had a bf, and i know he didnt cheat on me (well you can never be 100% sure) and i have her phone number. i thought about texting or call her, telling her whats what. but i know she could easily call him, like that girl did. and make the whole thing bad, say im crazy or something, not something i want my ex hearing!


good for you for everything youre doing! youre making NC easier for me

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