A -different- breakup situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2008
A -different- breakup situation
2
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 10:37pm
Short version because I can't take all day to type :P
Six years ago I met a man overseas. We got together, and I returned home to wrap up business planning to move over there. Well, due to complications I was unable to leave the country, so it fell to him to move to be with me.
We didn't get to see each other for 3 years, at which point he visited my country, we got married and vowed to resolve the distance situation. He returned home.
There are legitimate reasons why it was a difficult situation - he had debts, a job, family, etc, and it would have been difficult getting started over here. However since then, nothing has eventuated. We have a pretty good relationship, everything in common, and when we're actually together we work well. We talk online and by phone every day, play games etc.
But he is reluctant to move here - and along with the financial and other difficulties involved, its resulted in zero progress while we wait for a solution! Who knows how long I could be waiting.
He's suggested another trip at the end of this year 'if we havent resolved things'. Now, I can't see how we can POSSIBLY resolve things. And I am totally sick of the situation.
I've been completely faithful to him.
I am so tired of being alone.
I've made numerous sacrifices.
I've spent years of my life waiting around.
I don't know if things will ever change.
I've made these thoughts known to him - he says he is committed to waiting as long as it takes. Am I a bad person if I can't wait some indeterminate period of time for something that might not happen?
My love for him has suffered and I wonder if I should break it off to ease both our pain in the long run.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 11:38pm

Sounds like a difficult situation. You mentioned that you can not leave the country you are in, is that still the case? Are you able to move to where he is? Is he making changes in his life to be able to move to where you are? Sounds to me that if you aren't moving there and he isn't moving, you have to make a choice to maintain the relationship as it is or to move on with your life without him.

Sorry you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2008
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 11:41pm

I am unable to move and this will not change for a number of years.
He has made no changes besides almost erasing the debt.

I don't want to hurt him but I am hating what this has made of my life. He is unwilling to let me go, keeps saying I am trying to make ultimatums and whatnot, which I'm not. I'm just saying I've had enough.




Edited 2/2/2008 11:52 pm ET by melantha08