A Difficult Day
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 06-21-2006 - 10:38pm |
One year ago today my ex first kissed me. I'll never forget that night. I thought today might be difficult and it has been. I was sad today even though I had been doing well. I cried quite a bit. I left work early because I wasn't feeling well. I got home and wanted to have dinner with someone but no one was around. I couldn't decide where to go. Then I decided against eating out because I just felt like crying and I could see sitting in a restaurant crying. No place felt right. I felt so lost and lonely.
I nearly called him. Several times I thought of calling him. I wanted to ask him to come over and have dinner with me. I wanted to see him again. I miss him so much. I feel so lonely without him. I talked myself out of it.
Then I turned on the television and started watching this heartbreaking documentary about children with cancer. It helped me put things in perspective. I don't mean to diminish my pain or your pain or our losses because they're true and they hurt ... but this documentary made me realize how much worse off other people are, young people, kids who are dying of cancer. THAT is suffering. It's heartbreaking. If anyone would like to watch it (it's on public television). See this link for more info:
http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/lioninthehouse/index.htm
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. I guess all we can do is hope.

Pages
First, I want to say congratulations on 17 days of NC. I am only going on my 6th day of NC and it is very very hard some days to go on but for me to heal, that is the only thing I can do. I wanted to call and tell him that I was moving on because he hasn't returned my calls since last Friday but, at this point, he doesn't deserve it. The anger is really setting in for me right now and on the way to work, I was calling him every cuss word known to man (thank God my daughter wasn't in the car). But I got it out of my system, and decided that I am going to do some volunteer work at Children's Mercy instead of dwelling on this jerk that I thought I was in love with. Even when I was filling out the volunteer paperwork, it took my mind off my heartache. I think helping others who have it so much worse off than me, will make what I am going through seem so petty.
Have fun in New Orleans.
That's right, sweetie, six weeks.
Pages