DIfficult time w/ No Contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
DIfficult time w/ No Contact
18
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 9:52am

Merry Christmas & healing thoughts to all!


I am embarrassed to admit I am behaving pathetically. I break my No Contact all of the time. Ex dumped me 10 weeks ago (after dating for 3 yrs), and is now being mean. States he can only behave irrational & cold so he can get through this. Also cries & tells me he still loves me, but it can never work. I just fall apart after rejection. I am in therapy, and realize I am just allowing the hurt to increase by contacting him. I have to stop myself. I feel as if I am out of control & started to take Zoloft to stop my obsessing. That medication is not good for me due to a health issue.


I know the break-up is the best thing for me. He was never going to commit, and was playing me for at least 18 months. Please help me with the "no contact". Any strategies? I know myself and that is the way for me to get over people, but actually doing it is what is killing me. Thanks

seachells

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 12:45pm

Do you have friends you can call instead of him when you get the urge to break no contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 8:42pm

Hi Seachells,
I am so sorry you are going through such a rough period especially during the holidays. My ex broke up with me 6 months ago and I was devastated by his decision. I wish I had followed the advice I am about to give you. No good will come out of contacting him at this point. It's his loss for not wanting to be with you, really it is, and the sooner you can realize that the less you will want to speak with him. I called my ex repeatedly, our story was complicated as all breakups are, but I really wish in hindsight that I had simply walked away when he broke up with me.

My second piece and of advice: ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF THERE IS A DIFFERENT MEDICATION YOU CAN GO ON. IF YOU WENT OFF OF THE MEDICATION WITHOUT CONSULTING HIM, CALL YOUR DOCTOR NOW, EVEN IF IT'S CHRISTMAS, TRUST ME YOUR DOCTOR WOULD WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU IF YOU STOPPED TAKING THE MEDICATION HE PRESCRIBED YOU. YOU MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS WHICH COULD COMPLICATE HOW YOU FEEL.

I have friends who are depressed and it really is a serious BUSINESS. I think if you can find medication that works for you, it will help you get through this rough period and free up your energy to handle the grief you are dealing with A major depression and a break up is not something you should have to face alone. So be certain to call your Doctor, even if it is Christmas. Also reach out to friends and try to keep a journal. I promise you that if you do all of these things you will feel better, it won't happen over night, but you will wake up one day and notice the difference.

Good luck. And remember, don't call him, reach out to your friends, family and doctor.

Merry Christmas,
Cuca

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 1:47pm

Seachells,


I just had to respond.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 3:58pm
keeperintacoma- I felt I had to write to you - I too fell 'in love' this year for the first time after being married to my husband for 13 years for all of the wrong reasons.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 4:46pm
Welcome to the board keeperintacoma and thanks for participating.





iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 4:49pm
Welcome to the board ivil_txgrl and thanks for participating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 11:21pm

Carrie -


Thanks for the welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 6:12am

Thank you for writing to my post-


I know NC is the best thing for all of us going through a difficult

seachells

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 2:01pm

Here are the steps I have to go through each time I feel a weak moment coming on. It's been 3 months and maybe because it's the holidays it's been a bit harder now that it was at the beginning.


1. I call/text/or email and he sees it's me and doesn't answer his phone. I leave a message saying, "hey, was just thinking about you and missing you and thought I'd say hi." He checks his message but never calls me back. Meanwhile I'm pacing about my apt kicking myself for being weak and stupid and having stomach pains because he never calls me back.


2. I call and he answers. I try to be like a friend and just ask him what he has been up to. He is short and kind of cold and just gives me short, basic answers. I wonder inside what has happened to the sweet, warm boyfriend I used to have. I hang up and feel devastated that he could be so cold to me after 5 years of being so close.


3. I call and act friendly and he is friendly back. We have a nice conversation and all goes well. About an hour later I hang up the phone and my spirit tanks because I realize he is over me and just thinks of me as a "friend." I realize that we will never be what we once were and I become completely depressed.


4. Same as above, except I ask him what he has been up to and he starts talking about a girl he has been seeing (because hey, he thinks we are friends now, right?). I react badly and start yelling at him and ask him how he could possibly move on from me so quickly. He gets mad back and thinks of me as the psycho ex girlfriend who he is SOOO glad he dumped.


5. I don't think about 5, which is I call and he realizes just how much he misses me and wants to get back together ASAP. The reason why I don’t' think this is because if he wanted to mend things, HE would call ME.


I choose option 6, which is read this list over and over until the craving passes, that was I save face and have my pride, my self-esteem, and my dignity...something he cant' take away from me because I haven't broken the NC rule.


If he wants to, he knows where to find me.


Hope this helps!


http://theambienchronicles.blogspot.com/


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 3:26pm

I came on here last Valentine's Day and there was a post that recommended a site http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com and I followed the NC suggestions on there and it helped a lot.

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