Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007
Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words?
5
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 5:36pm

Hi Everyone,

I've been reading the advice on here and its been very helpful. However, I need a little advice here. My gf and I had been together for almost a year and half. Everything was great, of course there were a few ups and downs, but nothing we hadn't talked through. Both of us experienced some major tragedies throughout the year and of course we have been there for each other. Throughout our time together, marriage talk has come up and she would always say she wants to be with no one else but me. When she has asked if I would marry her one day, I of course said "yes" because I really do plan on it. Last week, she first said she thinks we shouldnt see each other anymore because she felt we wanted different things. During this conversation, I explained that there is nothing more I want than to spend the rest of my life with her and be a loving father and husband one day, she got silent, started crying and said she just needs a break. She has had a lot of stresses lately, ( not related to us ) and every time I try to help her through these things, she just shuts herself off.

Now, throughout our time together, I have grown up a lot...become more mature and started thinking more towards the future than the present. In addition I've paid off my debts and got myself in a better financial spot just so I could give her and our family the best life we could have one day. I never expressed this to her because with everything she has had going on lately, I felt it wasn't needed--but that when the time came, she would just see how much I've given up to give us a better life together once we got married. I've also decided to take a more stable job here, rather than something that would require me to do a lot of traveling, just so I would always be here and when we started a family, I wouldnt be traveling a lot and would always be here.

We havent spoke to one another in over a week and I am wondering how to break the ice. I was supposed to take a work trip that would require me being out of the country until October, but took a different assignment because I really want to stay here and work things out. When we last spoke, she said that we would talk about things when I returned to the states, but since I am not going anywhere now...how do I break the ice? How do I convey it to her, that I want the same things as her and have planned for our future together even though I might not have always talked about it?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 5:51pm

I guess my initial reaction is, are you sure that's what the issue is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 6:04pm
Well, honestly, a few days prior to all of this happening, she said that she did see herself marrying me and that she knew that I was the right person. Those words were said, literally days before our last conversation so I am starting to wonder if maybe a milestone birthday down the road is starting to set panic into her?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 6:47pm

Ah, ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 7:13pm
My response was that there was nothing more I wanted than to be with her and to get married one day, which is how I still feel. Like I said, she has gone through a lot this year having to deal with personal tragedies so I am wondering if everything is starting to finally catch up with her emotionally. I've always been there for her and will continue to do so, but I am just confused as to the way she has been acting lately. In the past, everytime she has had a problem ( not with me, but with other things like friends, family, work etc. ), she never wanted to talk about it, she would just always say she deals with things by herself, so I always respected that and gave her the space she needed. How long do you think I should let her ice until I initiate contact? I am completely committed to making things work, I just want to go about it the right way.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 7:35pm

Let her ice?