do i give up or keep on going?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
do i give up or keep on going?
3
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 9:49pm

so....i have posted here before. my boyfriend ended it with me feb 4th, after only dating 3 months saying he can't have a girlfriend that he is not happy withhimself and he can't give 100% with his job and he dosen't want to do it half assed...blah blah..but that there is nothing with me...so we didn't talk for 10 days and then went out to a basketball game....then he took me out for a fancy dinner to celebrate my new job where he then told me he wants to be with me and for us to just take it really slow because he needs that..and that he loves being with me and all that...he has called me every day since...I NEVER CALL HIM. He also tells me how sexy i am how much he cares about me, etc.

Well the next thursday i mention seeing him and he says "what do you think we are an item now..i told you i want to be single" i was so confused and told him forget it, i am done and he tells me that no he wants to see me and that he just can't have a serious relationship right now while he is trying to get himself together. So the weekend goes by and then he started calling me every day again...we would have hour conversations. so i saw him that next thursday, fridya and saturday..he acts like a boyfriend is cuddly (sex is not an issue, we don't do that) and tells me he loves being with me and he just can't give me everything i want like seeing me as much as he should. That doesn't bother me because i only have 2 free nights per week. I like where we are ...just seeing each other 2 days a week...because he does call and text me every day.

So onto this week...last night he pulled it again..saying he got out of a six year realationship FOUR YEARS AGO! and is not ready for another one...he is almost 30. And says all girls are the same and that he knows i want more out of this than what is happening..which i don't. But at the same time tells me that maybe he needs time to realize what he has and that he cares about me so much, loves being with me, and is not wanting to be with anyone else.

So today i text him saying i will bring his stuff over and drop it on his doorstep and to just leave mine out there and he texts back saying "relax, i care about you...we are going to see each other again" and "let's go see a movie next week" so what do i do....he doesn't want a "girlfriend" but won't let me end it.

And why if he doesn't want a serious relationship does he call me every day and text me and want to see me.....and when he does see me hold my hand, and hug me and tell em how much he loves being with me?

please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 8:48am
I think you need to say good-bye. Read the book, "He is just not that into you." It has given me a whole new perspective on men and their ways. Don't fall for his, "I like you and enjoy the time we spend together, but I don't want a serious relationship." You deserve better. You will find a man who you enjoy spending time with that won't mind you calling him to find out what is going on or having you call them their boyfriend. Let him go on his way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 8:47pm
OMG! Classic Commitmentphobe - RUN RUN RUN as fast as you can the other way because it will only get worse - trust me I know and mine was 26 (I'm 43). He had the nerve to call me 2 mos after dumping me (and not telling me) and then crying about the fact that he was sooooo in love with me and wanted to marry me...blah, blah, blah. Then no phone call until 2 weeks later and I was weak enough to let him come over - mainly because I wanted him to say sorry to my face cuz I thought it would make it all better but it did not - then he had the nerve to say he wanted to be friends and then say he wanted to be friends with benefits until I "found someone better" when he means until HE FINDS SOMEONE BETTER!!
RUN AWAY FAST - Please!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 9:38pm
Sweetie, I think it's time you go your separate ways.
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