do I kick him out?
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do I kick him out?
| Wed, 02-21-2007 - 6:47pm |
My live-in boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 3 days ago saying that he will never marry me and that I am holding him back in what he wants to do with his life. This is the 5th time he did this and every time I would BEG him to stay and give us another chance. This time I haven't and I won't (at least this is what I am telling myself). He has spend the last 3 days holed-up in the 2nd bedroom. My friends tell me I should ask him to leave ASAP. I feel bad kicking him out because it takes time to find a new place. I also have to fight my urge to take care of him. AFter he broke up with me I still made him dinner. I just want to hug him and hold him because he must be feeling bad. He moved out here to be with me and doesn't have many friends here (neither have I). We are each other's best friends in this city and he wants us to remain friends but I can't. I love him and wanted to marry him but he doesn't see it my way. What do I do? Be his friend? Ask him to leave? I know I can't beg him to stay. It only works for about 6 months. Please help......

Hi maribella and welcome to the board. Since you recognize the pattern, I wouldn't recommend being friends.
See, this is where
awww sweetie. life must be rough right now. I'm sending you a big hug!
5 years is a long time together, but if he really thinks the way he says he does, then you two need to go your separate ways ASAP! Since he's the one doing the breaking up, then he shoudl move out immediately. He's being selfish putting his convenience above your pain and insecurities. You need to start your life without him. It will be hard, i know. But in the long run it will be better.
by the way, you said that he has done this before. if he is just doing this in order to get you to follow him around like a lostpuppy, then he is being manipulative and callous, and you should kick him out anyway. my ex used to start packing his stuff so that i would beg him to stay. the third time i started helping him pack. i told him that if was really so unhappy that he wanted to leave, i want going to stop him. he never tried it again. .
i sincerely hope things go well for you and you start feeling better soon.
"YES! DUMP THIS BUM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!" I felt sorry for a guy once that said the same things to me once like this guy did to you. And, my ex took advantage of my good nature. Besides, how are you going to ever be able to move forward and meet the right guy for you if this guy is living in your house?
You deserve so so much more than this!
Hi maribella -
Here's a few good self-help books on self-esteem:
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – David D. Burns, MD
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
My best to you.
PS Edited to add: