do I kick him out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
do I kick him out?
6
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 6:47pm
My live-in boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 3 days ago saying that he will never marry me and that I am holding him back in what he wants to do with his life. This is the 5th time he did this and every time I would BEG him to stay and give us another chance. This time I haven't and I won't (at least this is what I am telling myself). He has spend the last 3 days holed-up in the 2nd bedroom. My friends tell me I should ask him to leave ASAP. I feel bad kicking him out because it takes time to find a new place. I also have to fight my urge to take care of him. AFter he broke up with me I still made him dinner. I just want to hug him and hold him because he must be feeling bad. He moved out here to be with me and doesn't have many friends here (neither have I). We are each other's best friends in this city and he wants us to remain friends but I can't. I love him and wanted to marry him but he doesn't see it my way. What do I do? Be his friend? Ask him to leave? I know I can't beg him to stay. It only works for about 6 months. Please help......
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 7:49pm

Hi maribella and welcome to the board. Since you recognize the pattern, I wouldn't recommend being friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 8:27pm

See, this is where

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:39pm

awww sweetie. life must be rough right now. I'm sending you a big hug!

5 years is a long time together, but if he really thinks the way he says he does, then you two need to go your separate ways ASAP! Since he's the one doing the breaking up, then he shoudl move out immediately. He's being selfish putting his convenience above your pain and insecurities. You need to start your life without him. It will be hard, i know. But in the long run it will be better.

by the way, you said that he has done this before. if he is just doing this in order to get you to follow him around like a lostpuppy, then he is being manipulative and callous, and you should kick him out anyway. my ex used to start packing his stuff so that i would beg him to stay. the third time i started helping him pack. i told him that if was really so unhappy that he wanted to leave, i want going to stop him. he never tried it again. .

i sincerely hope things go well for you and you start feeling better soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:58pm
Thank you so much for your honest input. I know you are %100 right intellecually but I am having a hard time emotionally. This situation has brought my self-esteem down to zero and I need people to tell me these things. So, I am printing out your e-mail and reading it every day from this day forward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 11:48pm

"YES! DUMP THIS BUM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!" I felt sorry for a guy once that said the same things to me once like this guy did to you. And, my ex took advantage of my good nature. Besides, how are you going to ever be able to move forward and meet the right guy for you if this guy is living in your house?

You deserve so so much more than this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 1:27pm

Hi maribella -


Here's a few good self-help books on self-esteem:


Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – David D. Burns, MD


The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz


How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon


Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse


My best to you.


PS Edited to add: