Do I take him along to concert?
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| Thu, 04-19-2007 - 9:07am |
Hi everyone, just need to ask your opinion before I do something I might regret.
So: he left me just over 2 months ago (for the second time) to go back to his ex. Thanks to cl-i_b_sandradee and cl-itwinflame I now understand that due to his own low self-esteem he chose to go back there instead of a happy new future with me. Not my fault and nothing I can do to change the way he feels about himself and who he chooses to be with.
Dilemma: still we haven't seen each other since he broke up on the phone (coward!) but he is due to come along to a concert I bought tickets for few months ago. We both love the band and it would be a very 'us' thing to do. I asked him a few weeks ago if he still wanted to go, following a text message a while back where he asked if I could bare the thought of taking him with me still. I said ok. Well, I changed my mind last week. Why should I? He hasn't had the guts to even face me since braking up etc. so why should I put myself through this by spending a (what is guaranteed to be) great night out with him. I know...would be stupid.
However: this is MY territory (i introduced him to the band), MY tickets. HE would be comming with ME. I would have the upper hand (i think)...and as this would be the first time we see each other; I could use this to my advantage. Have a great night. Say goodnight, pretend he is nothing more than a friend and just go home. Can I do it? I think so...if I put my mind to it....
OR: should I just let this opportunity go and risk bumping into him at some industry event (our companies work on projects together) or on the train platform some day when I maybe look worse for wear, having a bad morning etc. instead of my 'usual' radiant self? Its tempting....yet, I have taken the big step to already ask someone else to go with me.
IF he checks in in the next few days or on the day of the concert though, I will feel lame to say: um...no sorry...i asked someone else. So I could just clear this up NOW, send a message and say that I'm taking someone else. But I don't want to contact him...
What do you think...?

This isn't a dilemma.
If what you truly want is to get back together with him, then take him along.
If you don't want to get back together with him, don't take him along.
It really doesn't matter if you said you'd take him months ago, he said he'd be dating you, and he changed his mind about that, too. He should *assume* you two are not going, and you shouldn't correct him on that. Just go with your other friend.
Don't do things that are bad for you ('I can act like I don't care') just to prove something to your ego.
"Say goodnight, pretend he is nothing more than a friend and just go home. Can I do it? I think so...if I put my mind to it...."
If you wanted your ex to just be a friend, you wouldn't have to "pretend" anything. And if he wanted to attend the concert with you as a friend, he could have called you to propose just that.
Regardless of the how and why behind it, and the what could have been, he's broken up with you twice and he's with his ex once again. Why reward his bad behaviour by taking him to the concert?
Send him an email to say (with no apologies or explanations) you are taking someone else. And go, have a great time, and leave when you are going to see your ex next to chance.
Regardless of how you look when that day comes, how you are feeling on the inside, with your pride and esteem in place, will matter more than leaving it to chance you hair might be out of place that day.
mblade2006
"Just because everything is different