do you ever hear from them again?
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do you ever hear from them again?
| Thu, 10-11-2007 - 10:02am |
I know this is an old topic and probably been discussed before. My ex never initiated contact after the breakup of our years long relationship,

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Hi,
I've only been broken up for one week (OK, once we get through today it'll have been a week) and I found myself asking a friend this very question last night. It's strange. I so desperately want him to contact me and yet that's what I fear the most because I know it will just start this tailspin of hurt all over again. I just can't help wondering: is he thinking about me, does he think he made a mistake, is he as hurt? And I'm just missing the friendship that we had as well.
I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm hoping that whoever answers your questions will help me be able to make sense of my thoughts as well.
This whole thing is so difficult. I'm proud of you for getting through it and being so strong.
Take care,
J
Hi Waterworks---
I can't think of any significant exes that I've never spoken to again--but sometimes it was me initiating not them so it's hard to answer your question.
Three weeks and counting since I've heard from him (we broke up nearly six weeks ago). I didn't respond to his last message and I honestly don't know whether I'll hear from him again. Part of me wants to, badly, but at the same time I don't know what good it would do. What we had can't be put back together, and my job now is learning to accept and move on from that.
I read an article on waiting in the Wall Street Journal the other day that contained an interesting
Hi Pixchan,
Thanks so much for your post. I'm sitting here right now hoping that he'll contact me somehow. I haven't had any contact with him since he dumped me a week ago. My friends packed up all of his stuff and were going to deliver it so I didn't see him for that - don't know if it happened even. I've been hoping that he misses me and wants me back. Your post was refreshing. You're correct. The hope is impeding everything else. In some situations, hope is good, but in others it is just a hinderance.
Thanks, I needed that today.
It's normal to wonder.....
The longest time before I heard from one ex was 17 yrs.
I am decent with EVERY one of my ex's, in some form or fashion, aside from the one I am struggling with now. IN fact, one I am bestfriends with. It took time to have them or me get in touch with them, its when you dont think about them or when you dont really care what they tell you at the other end of the phone.
I understand your feelings, I am going trhough this right now. Today is day 6 of NC and I am IN LOVE totally with this man. I want him back so bad, but I want the man he could be, should be, may someday be....not the man he is right now. The one now we struggled to break up because I think we both know we love each other, but he never processed his divorce and is thus acting like a fool. I worked my ass off for the relationship and to salvage post breakup. This last time, I resolved to say..pfffft, I dont care. Get this, NOW, my friends are saying it may be my turn to cntact him. Uh no.....as far as I knwo he is dating the girl he told me he wanted to date over me.
So day 5 of no contact was yesterday and for SOME reason (no one really knows why) he showed up at my office yesteray. Now we work for the same dept...but he has no real reason to be at HQ. So he shows up and actually after running face first into him while I was talkign to my chief, I resigned to leaving the office.....so I had my box in hand and was bailing out the FRONT door...(its my office, Im not going to totally shirk away) and he stops me "Hey Jenn"....I stop and all I could muster was "I really have to go, bye" and I bailed out so dern fast. Usually I would have texted or called him and said sorry, but I havent this time.
MOst people are telling me he stood there with a dumboufnded hurt look on his face. So be it. I know he is fragile in general, but thats not my problem anymore. He left me for the chance tochase another woman....my friend (ex friend now). So anyways. I wont call, I wont text. We have to teach a class on Monday and Tuesday in Estes Park, which is about 2 hours from where we live. Im not excited about it at all. That was his excuse to talk to me..something about it, but you know......he can email, he can call my work cell, he doesnt need to bother me in my office.
I dont know how to take his contact...was it for me, was it not for me, does he miss me, does he just want to see if I am still his "safety" net and backup plan? I dont know and will NEVER know the answer so I chalk it up to what it was.....a mild ego boost but thats gone since he hasnt done it again. So yeah, its not cool to have them contact you even when it helps temporarily. I still say Im on day 6 of no contact because I didnt initiate that and I bailed out as soon as I could.
Sometimes no contact is truly the best. Until head in ass syndrome is taken care of, it doesnt help to wrry about what they think or feel, because quite honestly, i t could change in a moments notice.
I know exactly what you are going through. one week for me as well that there is NC. Part of me does hope (although I know i should think differently) that he will contact me, but of course part of me knows this is a really bad idea. I think we've seen too many movies where they realized what a huge mistake they made and coming running down the street yelling for the cab to stop! ha ha. or coming to the airport last minute before you get on a plane and having that long passionate kiss. stupid movies! :)
I'm just letting myself feel whatever i'm feeling and forgive myself it's not the "right" way to think post break up. You know?
This time, the "do you ever hear from them again" question actually got me thinking about it, so...
One boyfriend I was head over heels for, we were together almost two years.
I have. And sometimes (often) I've tracked them down. A couple I don't know at all anymore. A couple who weren't ready for a relationship at one point came looking for me for one months or even years later. One, my longest relationship and a live-in situation, has turned into a beautiful, close, caring friendship (after lots of NC and mutual understanding that we are lifestyle-incompatible).
I wonder sometimes what this latest one will turn into, but mostly I just let it go. Right now I need to work on being comfortable with no relationship and focus on myself. That, I think, is the best thing I can do to set us up to be the best whatever we can be in the future.
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