do you ever hear from them again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
do you ever hear from them again?
46
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 10:02am

I know this is an old topic and probably been discussed before. My ex never initiated contact after the breakup of our years long relationship,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 6:11pm

It's so funny you mentioned movies. Damn those movies! Whenever I get that *hopeful* feeling I see him waiting on my front step or coming to my work - something outrageous that I've seen played out in Hollywood. Then reality hits and I tell myself it isn't going to happen.


I guess if movies reflected reality they'd never make any money.


:)


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 7:16pm
So what was your story? Mine is somewhere (maybe on page 2) 5 years-my breakup story-long. It's funny because our relationship was so good...it was just...one of those things I guess.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 8:24pm

I definitely know how you are feeling. I actually was the one who broke it off 3 days ago and I am wondering the same thing. Granted our relationship had a lot more bad in it then good, but I still wonder if he thinks about me especially since I am transitioning into a new career. My relationships in the past I have remained in contact with some, others I do not talk to anymore. For last relationship, we talked sporadically afterwards but it wasn't until 6 months after that we sat down and had a conversation. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and at the proper time.

Despite me wanting my ex to contact me, I know that it is for the best that he doesn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 11:15am

My story... I wasn't dating him for five years, we were actually supposed to celebrate six months together tomorrow. I've had long-term boyfriends in the past (three years), lived with them, and have dated quite a bit. Never before this one, though, did I think it was actually "right." We traveled to meet each other's families - I was one of only two people he ever introduced to his mom who is very sick in the nursing home. I was thinking of buying a house when we met and he asked me to wait. Pretty much, he gave me every indication that things were going well.


We had one or two bumpy spots, but seriously, I've never had such a smooth relationship. We were best friends - did everything together. He hated his job, though and i think he felt very lost - not sure of where he is going or who he really wants to be. He was having terrible nightmares about his job. Looking back now, I think he became depressed. Even his appearance changed - he grew a beard, and it seemed like he was trying less and less to look nice.(Maybe that's just my mind trying to come up with some answer for all of this besides "he didn't want to be with me.")


About a week ago out of the blue he told me that he thought I deserved better, that he wasn't able to be there for me, that this relationship felt differently than all of the others. He said he was trying to figure out if he wanted to commit to me more than a best friend. He also mentioned that with six months up it was a big deal. He said he keeps thinking that he's making a mistake, but he's not sure there's anything else he can do right now. He said he needs to get a different job and wants to leave St. Louis and if he was still with me I would play a heavy part in his decision. He said right now he needs to not be in a relationship - and, I agree with him. It sucks, but I do. He said: in a perfect world, I'd get to keep you as my best friend and get to see you every day and hang out with you. I said: either you get all of me or you get none of me. And that's how it's been.


As much as it hurts, a friend of mine (works with him) took all of his stuff for me - there was SO MUCH- and gave it to him at work. I think that angered and upset him. I don't think there's anything else I could've done, though. He took away what I thought was my world and stepped on my heart - at least I've still got my dignity, right?


So my new friend in heartache, how the heck are we going to get through this? Five years for you. That's so hard to imagine. I feel for you - I really do.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 12:34pm

5 years...6 months...I think it doesn't really matter. The amount of pain is probably the same. I think you did absolutely the right thing buy having other people deliever his stuff. You have no obligation to him anymore and you are protecting yourself by doing that. I think that him showing anger shows that he actually does care about you. But what does that matter, right? I just found out that I think I left my favorite jacket with him. I'm pretty bummed, but I guess that's a good excuse to buy a new one, right? Yesterday I finally sent back the birthday gifts I bought him. I was supposed to be on a plane to Seattle yesterday to celebrate my b-day with him, and look for apartments together. I think that's why I felt so down yesterday. Feeling a little better today. I can't wait for the rollercoaster of emotions to end.


I think my biggest fear is NOT that I won't get over him. I think I will. I think my greatest fear is I'll be alone or lonely. I've always been an independent girl (and even was in the relationship) and very active...volunteer, etc. But I hear LA is

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 1:16pm

I think that's my same fear. I know I'll get over him. I mean, how can you hold on to something or someone that really doesn't want you? It just doesn't make sense. But the real fear is that I will be alone, lonely. I felt like the relationship was so comfortable - I grew to depend on having him around. I loved the lazy Sundays and emails at work. The little things, you know, that just made every day a little better. I can be alone, I've done it before, but I'm just really scared right now.


Today I keep having these waves of feeling. For an hour I feel OK, then all of the sudden

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 1:22pm

I just reread what you wrote about yesterday. You were supposed to be on a plane with him to Seattle, looking for apartments, celebrating your birthday. Gosh, that breaks my heart (even more - possible?). I think that's why these next few weeks are going to be so hard - we need to get through all of the days we already had plans with them. I can't get over the feeling that they are just so incredibly stupid. I just don't understand. I hope you have a lot of really supportive friends/family around you to be with you on your birthday. I'm finding that friends are the key to survival - that and just loving myself.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 2:14pm

I don't blame you for never cooking that food again. :) Time to learn some new dishes. I made burritos the night we first started having our hard conversations. We had just finished eating actually, so the thought of ever making burritos again kind of makes me sick. ha ha!


I have those "waves" too. We used to work together during that five years (he only recently moved to Seattle and I was supposed to move there too) So sometimes I walk down the hallway and "see him" in my mind when he used to come to the mailroom and we would sneak kisses and he would give me a warm hug and say something very sweet to me. That's the classic, putting him on a pedestal feeling. I try to immediately change my thoughts about him and try to remember the things that weren't working.


I'm sorry you’re questioning so many other things in your life right now. Causes some sleepless nights I'm sure. I kind of had the opposite problem. It helped settle things in my life in a way since I felt like I was in limbo so long. I had insomnia for months, which, despite my sadness has improved so much. I do know that I want to move to a new apt but instead of rushing into something I'm taking my time to wait for the perfect place for me. Kind of a metaphor, eh?


On a side note. He had friends in San Francisco who were an awesome couple whom he has known since college. I loved his friends (not his family though). I actually still work with a close friend of his but have been keeping my distance. I even deleted them from my myspace page so they couldn't read my blogs and pass on any information to him. I'm going to San Fran next weekend but decided against contacting them about it (even though I'd love to see them) but I don't want to discuss him or have them be more of a reminder of what I could have had. But this morning the guy friend invited me to be on his IM. Weird because Ive never been on his IM. I decided to accept, but not contact him unless he contacts me. It's just strange he decided to do that.


anyway, keeping you in my thoughts!


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 2:49pm
I'm having a tough time with this as well. I seemed to be doing great for 2 weeks but now it feels like its the day after the break up - just all over again. I keep wondering if he'll call or make some sort of contact which is effecting me in so many ways...its all i can think of even if i do other things to distract me, i can hardly sleep, i have a low appetite. It just feels like its not going to get better until i can get a definite response from him (basically he said he wanted a break but didnt say if was a full on break up - although thats what im thinking it is because I dont wanna give myself false hope). But deep down, i dont think he'll contact me again...and that's what really sucks. I want to know what he's thinking and how he's feeling and if this is a break up, just come right out and say it instead of putting me through all this turmoil! I'm definitely sad and broken hearted and just like a previous poster, im afraid of being lonely and single - the dating world isnt such a nice place. Im trying to be the strongest i can be but it really hurts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 2:56pm
So sorry to hear your're in such limbo. I guess the key to going through a break is knowing what the boundries are, and it sounds like you don't have them. I'm sorry for your pain and know that you are not alone!