do you ever hear from them again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
do you ever hear from them again?
46
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 10:02am

I know this is an old topic and probably been discussed before. My ex never initiated contact after the breakup of our years long relationship,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 5:20pm

I wanted to wish you a good weekend (and a happy birthday?) before I left for the week. I've decided that this weekend I'm going to try to face reality - knock him off

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 5:25pm

I had this same thing happen to me. He said he wasn't breaking up with me, but he also said he wasn't NOT breaking up with me. Confusing, huh? That was the worst part - the waiting and wondering. What I did was operate like he did break up with me. At least then, when it finally happened I had already started the process. It's all about self preservation and dignity. I think you are doing the right thing by not contacting him. It sucks, though. It all sucks, I'm not going to lie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 8:58pm

i've had contact with every ex ever. except for my cheater ex & that was my choice.


takes a while though. usually by the time i'm on to the next guy, the ex is around again or i have the ability to contact him again & not be all ex-ey with them.


it's not necessarily a pleasant thing though. not until years later i've been glad we're not together. or we've become friends. or something.


i never lose attraction for someone i date. i just realize i'm better off single than with them. eventually, i realize being together is about being together by choice - & if one person doesn't feel it's right, that's it. once that decision is made i never try to change their minds. who wants to be coerced into love? i want to be DESIREDDDDD!


if somebody doesn't desire me, i've learned to lessen my apparent desire for them. doesn't mean i don't still contact them, i just don't lower myself to show my desire. they don't deserve it anymore.


since some of us (like me) change when we fall in love, exes sometimes come back b/c they see the "old" us back. doesn't mean anything has changed. you can like people but not be able to share a room with them day in & day out. that's really what being together is all about - can you hack it.


anyhow, at this point focus on you. then you'll be the new or old sexy you, whether he comes back or not. that's the important part.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 10:04pm

maij, your story is very similar to mine. i went out for 6 months. we had some bumps but i thought everything was going well. we talked several times a day, emailed all day, saw eachother a few times a week. he told me i was his best friend, he seemed really into me and he talked about our future. said we needed to have a 6 month talk to talk about things like where we would one day potentially live, how many kids, etc. well, we never had the talk. he decided instead to end things a week later. said he was not in love with me. but he also would always say that i deserved more, that he could not give me what i needed, that he was not a good bf. i think he also was depressed. he actually had some problems, is a recovered drug addict, but seemed to really have moved forward with his life. and i really liked him, so many good qualities, i thought i could deal with his issues. because of his addiction though, he led a very scheduled routine kind of life and i think having a gf was too much for him to handle, that he was still not ready for a serious relationship.


i know it was only the 6 months, but i thought this guy was the one for me and i had not had a bf in a very long time. since he broke up with me, it has been a little over 3 weeks, and not a word from him. nothing. i guess with such a controlled life, i should not be surprised, but i am, and i am hurt. i thought i was feeling better and then today i am all upset again. maybe it is cause it is the weekend. i feel like it was nothing to him, he just cut me out of his life so easily. i know we could not get back together, i know that. but i still thought i would hear from him. you know, that he would realize that we were right for eachother and get past his insecurities and open his life up. but even if not that, that we would talk a few more times, etc. but with no contact yet, i cannot imagine he has any plans to contact me anytime soon. i still hope that oneday he will call, or i will run into him somewhere. he is such a good person and he really had an impact on my life, maybe we could be friends. but maybe once i am over him, i will not care about that anymore.


i just do not get how if someone cares about you, how they can just completely cut you out of their life just like that. i guess i feel like i would never do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 10:24pm

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 10:37am

caring about someone & choosing to continue in a relationship with them are two completely different things. i would never imagine that your ex or mine doesn't care anymore.


but to continue in a relationship with you when you want more than they have to offer or more than they want does noone any good. it's just leading you on.


it sucks, but an ex removing themselves is really the best way to recover. it shows that they really meant what they said & they are not dragging you back & forth with indecision. i sent a sexy text to my ex & he didn't respond. i'm glad. if he had, what was the point? should he have break-up sex with me when clearly i want more than that? no. should he say stop contacting me, you idiot? no, that's mean. doing nothing is the best thing.


not calling you to see how you are doesn't mean he doesn't care. it just means he's not calling you to see how you are.


i remember conversations i had early on with my ex when we were dating. i was like why are you ignoring it when i send you texts or try to communicate with you? i thought you liked me. he said i do like you. me not responding has nothing to do with whether i like you or not.


try to think of it as the same. your ex not contacting you has nothing to do with whether he misses you or cares about you or not. it just means you're broken up.


later he might show up again but if he doesn't now, don't assume he doesn't care...i've cared about every one of my exes but i don't call to check up on them afterward. i assume they're strong enough to take care of themselves or their friends will take care of them.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 10:50am

Pretty much everyone I dated seriously initiated contact at some point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 10:56am
Good post!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 11:25am

Yikes!....after rereading my

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 12:19pm

:4) don't put the guy on a pedestal ....