do you ever hear from them again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
do you ever hear from them again?
46
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 10:02am

I know this is an old topic and probably been discussed before. My ex never initiated contact after the breakup of our years long relationship,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 11:25am

I sooo agree with you. I did the same thing. I keep a notebook..coz the last month has been hell and I knew there were trigger dates coming. I have written letters to him asking why...what about all those promises?

I have three children and a grand baby. After my husband passed, my ex and I were just friends for a long time. I DIDN'T introduce him to my kids, because I wanted to make sure who ever came into my life would stay. He is 52 no kids...he said he always saw himself marrying later to a women with kids...so once we got serious...I let him into my children's lives.

My oldest son was 19 at the time...he is very protective of me. My youngest at the time was 14, also a boy. My ex told both of them that he loved me very much and would do everything to make me the happiest women on earth. He told them that he lost his mother at 9, and that he would NEVER replace their father, but he would work hard to be there for them and be their friend. They really liked and respected him for that. Before he asked me to marry him, he asked my oldest son for permission.

My daughter ( who is the oldest 20 at the time) immediately loved him.

How do people live with themselves? Lie to me, and then I brought him into my life and he lied to my kids.

Worse part is no-one knows about his internet sex addiction. I can't say a word! It kills me...because people are wondering what happened, to the outside world, esepcially his friends....were the perfect couple. We were. He is kind, and loving, and spoiled me rotten, which I never had before. He helped bring back the sparkle to my smile and eyes after such a tragedy of loosing my husband for 20 years. All our friends said they had never seen him so happy in his life...and they knew we were meant for each other.

He promised me he would NEVER hurt me, he only wanted me to be happy. And he understood all the heartache I have been through and would NEVER hurt me. I really believe in his heart he meant it. BUT...

My situation a little different, because he is an addict. He has a sickness that only he can choose to get better or not. But not being able to tell anyone about why we called our wedding off has been the hardest. Like you I choose to take the high road...I will not be brought into or apart of his sickness.

I just wish I saw the signs of his addiction earlier so that all this mess wouldn't have happened.

I pray everyday that God will see me through this, and I pray even harder that he comes to the realization that he needs help. Virtual and emotional affairs are so empty. But because he is an addict...he can't see that. In addition, when he is online, he looks for young girls...18-22...its sickening, especially since I have a daughter that age and a grand baby...who is only 2.

He continues to lie, his family is mad at me. They think that I invaded his privacy. I think he told them that I found and old email from an ex and went ballistic, which I did not.

What happened was we were in Cabo San Lucas in July planning our wedding. My phone doesn't work down there, so I told my 15 y.o. son to call my ex's phone if he needed anything. I was laying by the pool, my ex went to the bath room and his fone rang. There was a text message from a girl..saying "daddy I miss you, where are you?" I freaked out. We were with friends, so I couldn't even say anything right away. When we were alone I asked him about it...and he said it was nothing. She kept texting him...I cried in our room...and he told me he will end it.

Well a month later we were in Jax Hole WY, and the same girl texted him again...this time more explicit...When we got home, I asked him what was going on...he told me everything and begged that I help him...well I was crushed, told him I needed access to his puter and his fone...I didn't know anything about addiction...

I found websites and emails, and fone sex...it was horrible...

So for him to tell his family this lie..well doesn't surprise me at all. Just wish they didn't think I was a snoop.. he was the one that agreed to let me in to try and regain trust.

Oh well, can't cry over spilled milk. I just am glad and relieved that we didn't get married. Because I don't believe in divorce.

So,I have to walk away, I have no choice. Its too dangerous for my family and I have to protect them. The one thing that hurts is my husband didn't have a choice to leave me. God took him, but my ex...he had a chance to make it work and CHOOSE not to. Its hard when you know someone doesn't choose you.

It will be along time before I let someone in again. He told me he always stays friends with ex girlfriends, but not this one...he can't have that part of me. I don't want to be friends with him. He will never be priviledged to be apart of my life or my family's life. There are consequences to actions, and I won't be a patsy. He can't have his cake and eat it too. He choose and he has to live with that.

Sorry so long...it feels good to let it out...and I feel safe here...

You have a good day and be so very kind to yourself, you deserve it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 11:28am
Thank you so much! I am strong, but you know there are moments...I survived the trigger dates...my poor family...I was so irritated at stupid questions..but they understood...I really am going to be fine. Thank you for the hugs!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 11:29am
Thank you!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 8:25pm

this is bizzare but i posted a message after a bad break up & guess what after 7 months of not

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 9:00pm

I'm smiling, because the universe always works itself out in mysteriously perfect ways. I'm glad to hear you're in a great place in your life, stronger and more empowered!

Ok, so I have a question: Did these posts of mine to you help you in any way? Did they have some kind of effect on your healing, your progress, your acceptance, anything, and if so, what? And if they didn't or weren't clear, what was missing? That would be awesome if you could post on any of that :) Or if you prefer, email me through the profile :)

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=23112.8

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=23112.12

The reason I'm smiling is because I was looking for these exact thoughts earlier today for someone else on this board whose situation would I think benefit from them and couldn't remember where I'd posted them before.

So, thank you! Karma at work yet again ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 9:35pm

yes, yes yes!! your posts were very helpful, that is what i try to keep in my thoughts each & every day, the trick is to keep it up when involved in a realtionship i think, instead of getting all caught up in it, i mean it is a great feeling, but i wasn't unhappy, he just makes me happier! but i believe the like attracts like thing is very true & the whole positive thinking, & i wasn't thinking about getting back with him at all, i thought that was over, he lives in a different state, had a girlfriend, it was not a hope anymore. i just want to be the best person i can be, because that makes me happy as well, and I just think like you said the universe has a way of working things out.

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