Do you ever stop wondering...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Do you ever stop wondering...
9
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 11:22am
If he will call???? It's been 20 days of no contact and every morning I wake up and think maybe he will call today. There's always a good excuse in my mind. For example, today my favorite football team is playing his favorite football team. What a great reason for him to call, right??? So I will spend my day in a panic attack checking my cell phone to see if he has called. And tonight when I go to bed and he hasn't called, I will be disappointed and sad. Does this ever stop??? When am I going to wake up and realize he doesn't want to talk to me which is why he isn't calling????
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 3:49pm

Broken,

My heart hurts for you because know exactly how that feels. Somethings my friends have said that have helped me:

Expect him NOT to call, and convince yourself that he isn't going to, because he isn't.
Change the ringtone on your phone.
Silence (or turn off) your phone when you find yourself obsessing. Another thing you can do it give your phone to a friend so you don't even have to think about it, but you know someone is keeping an eye on your calls.
Call a friend or call you mom.

I've also used a rather draconian approach to stop obsessive thoughts: snap a rubberband on your wrist as negative feedback when you start to feel crazy. That will serve to temporarily snap your mind awake as it will switch to focus on the physical pain rather than the mental pain. I know that sounds really unhealthy but, hey, it really does work. Better yet, take yourself out for a pedicure and leave your phone at home.

My question for you is: why do you want him to call? So you can relive all the pain? Don't do that to yourself. You're so much better than that.

Take care,

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 4:38pm

Thanks for your response.

I don't think I really do want to talk to him in all honesty. IF he called, I definitely would not answer and I'm not even sure I would call him back. I guess it's just the notion of knowing he was thinking about me and called me. How screwed up is that??? I'm going to try your rubberband idea. I like it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:02pm
I'm still in the same stage.... wondering why he isn't calling. And like you, I don't know that I really want him to call. I just want to know he misses me. Which is dumb because why should that matter? But it does. We crazy gals. :T
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:01am

I feel so stupid about feeling this way, because it has been almost two months for me!!! I keep wanting him to call, and I always wonder if today will be the day. It drives me crazy to wake up thinking of him, and I wish it would stop. Whenever a few hours go by, and I haven't thought of him, I feel such a sense of accomplishment! I am so pathetic, I even get all fluttery when I pass a truck similar to his. I feel like things are really out of control.

Why can't a smart person, which I consider myself, get the hell over a guy who so obviously doesn't want her??? At least I haven't gotten caught stalking him yet, so the fact that I am making a fool of myself over him is still a secret. I wish someone would say something that would snap me out of it. I just want my "spine" back. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 9:29am

I don't know if this will help, but he probably IS thinking about you. But thinking about you and missing you are different than deciding to resume the relationship. You seem to know that's not in your best interest, and I'm sure he does too. I broke up with my boyfriend a little while ago and I think about him, miss him, and want to call him every day. But I realize that's not fair to him. The only reason I would call (until a significant amount of time has passed) is to get back together. Otherwise, I think it's best for both of us to have time apart to completely heal.

You say you wouldn't actually want to talk to him; you just want to know he was thinking of you. Comfort yourself with the fact that he probably was reminded of you, but that him not calling was the best possible thing for you in the long run.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 10:48am
I wish my ex could understand what you said. He calls and says I must not care about him or miss him and does not get that no matter what happens in the future, right now we need time apart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 11:49am
i have wondered about these things too. You are not alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 11:57am
i completely understand what you are saying. my ex didn't call me for almost 2 months and i felt the same way. but then he has spent the last several weeks contacting me incessantly. be careful what you wish for, it is SO hard to maintain no contact when they actually start calling. i want to keep up no contact so i told him i do not want to talk now. it makes me feel good and better about myself because this is harder. but then when i told him to stop calling, why was i sad when he actually did? i told him to! it's similar to how you feel like you want him to call, but don't even know if you would answer. irrational feelings are normal, just find a way to rationalize him. i agree with the other poster, he is thinking about you--you don't go from spending a significant amount of time with someone to spending no time with them without thinking about him at all. find solace in the fact that he is probably thinking about you but is trying to move on just like you are...good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 10:57pm
I am at two and a half months, and I still hope that I will hear something from him. The feelings are a little less frequent than before, because I have started to get out more and occupy my time by meeting new people. There is definitely a progression as time goes on. I went from reminiscing over emails and getting upset on a daily basis, to a weekly basis, and I read one old email today. The difference today was that I felt like I really didn't know that person anymore. It's almost like the person that I was in love with was not the same person that treated me poorly the weeks leading up to the breakup and dumped me at the worst time. He doesn't exist anymore, and talking to him now would taint the fond memories, I think. My point being that while it's perfectly normal to have that curiosity for a few months (even longer, depending), it will go away and the feelings of not wanting to hear from him will grow stronger...promise! I felt hopeless a month ago, but I'm starting to see the possibilities now.