Do you guys ask questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Do you guys ask questions
7
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 9:53am

I have been having so many questions throughout the whole relationship of 1 year and this week of NC. I ask myself why he has been treating me this way, what does his behavior tell me? Why did this happen to me? Just so many "what ifs" and so many "why's". I can never seem to find an answer for myself and I just keep asking myself. I wish I could know all the answers but I know that's impossible.

Are you guys experiencing the same thing? How do you deal with it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 10:07am
I've been killing myself with the what if's and why's. I've finally decided I'm not doing myself any good begging the universe for answers. He left me a vm last night, sounded really sad, and asked me to call him. Like an idiot I called. He began accusing me of things like cheating, leaving him for another guy, etc. He called me a worthless no good piece of *hit and I hung up on him. Afterwards he left me a horrible vm and sent a text that read "F$%@ You!" It is just more proof that I'm doing the right thing and I should NEVER break the NC rule. I won't be dating for a while. I need a break from the drama.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 10:20am

Oh my gosh. Yeah, definitely you have to stay away from this guy. He doesn't respect you. It seems that he is angry, but that's no excuse for his hurtful words. And how can he dare to accuse you when he is treating you unfairly. A good time apart is a good idea I think.

Yeah, you said it right on the point. I have been begging for the whole universe for answers too. But I'll never get it. At least now, I just don't understand, I can't find the wisdom to understand it all. My therapist said he is not capable of giving me an answer. I don't know, I am sick of analyzing the whole situation, and yet, can't stop wondering why.

A friend told me relationships make women become more mature and independent. I think it's very true. It's a necessary phrase in my life that I have to experience.

Maybe be a year from now (hopefully shorter), you and I can both have more insights to this situation/or too sick to even mention about it. Don't you agree?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 10:42am
I definitely agree! I expect it to take me between six months and 1year to get over everything. I honestly love him so much & always will. So much has happened during the two years we were together, which is why I've not been able to permanently break it off. I miscarried his baby, my dad died, his dad & brother died, we got engaged then I gave the ring back. He leaned on me to make it through, however I never felt like I could rely on him for support. It has been a terrible emotional roller coaster. From all of this I have no idea what I have really learned except what i b Sandradee wrote yesterday is so true - Love is not supposed to hurt. Like you, I may begin seeing a therapist. Hopefully you are correct, and in a year or less we will have some insight into ourselves, our situations, & know how to prevent a repeat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 10:54am

I think that the idea that we start asking these kinds of questions is our internal voice telling us that something isn't right. I think we tune into what we perceive to be "normal" for us, and when that "normal" feels distorted, we start to question.

I think of these questions as being a form of a "counselor"... a counselor should ask you the questions that we have to answer for ourselves...

I also believe that relationships make us smarter/more mature. They give us insights as to what we want or don't want in our lives.

Jim

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:07am
True. I've spent the last two years not listening to my gut/intuition. I only hope that I'm smarter and more mature after this train wreck of a relationship. When you fall for a bad guy you're gonna get burned & you would think I ought to know that by now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:26am

I am going through the exact same thing. I got an email from my guy, ending things with me because he is dating someone else. I didn't get to ask him anything or say anything to him regarding our breakup. Now, I am just driving myself crazy with all of the Whys. (By the guy, that guy is in the Navy and is stationed in Spain.)

Shelly/20/TX

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 2:09pm

hi ivil crystals

yap too many ?????? no answer. well i resently contact my exbf for 2mths of no contact at all...well everything turn okay...he didnt give me attitude.

actually i have too many question too...why this always happen to us ladys if we are totally in to them and they will turn their back to us???? why???

i guess its true what they say about relationship its better that you dont show your love all the way...coz they get drown.