Does anyone else do this???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Does anyone else do this???
7
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:00pm
Does anyone else 'google' their ex's name or their 'handle' on AIM/Yahoo/MSN? My ex posts on a few boards, and has his own website (not myspace) and I find myself googling his name/handle almost daily. I don't know what I'm expecting to find - maybe I'm just trying to see if he's met someone or is trashing me online. Am I the only person who does this? I'm OK with no contact - but, this isn't exactly 'contacting' him. But it FEELS wrong, but I am not sure how to stop!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:09pm

OMG! Yes, I used to this sooooo much in between the four months that I had no contact with my ex. He has a MySpace and I used to check it constantly, hoping I'd find other girls writing about their weekend together. A couple of times I did find him partying with girls or flirting and it almost made me feel better, like I was validating the fact I was better off without him.

But, I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO DO THIS ANYMORE. The only way to get them out of our lives is to forget about them all together, I know it is MUCH easier said than done, but if you keep googling him, he will be on your brain. When I did go to therapy, I brought this up to my therapist and she had me write out a list of things I could do other than google him... Write, watch a movie, go for a walk, do a Sudoku puzzle, anything but do that. It only prevents you from moving forward in your life. Since I saw what I did in the four months he was away and now that I know he is gone again, I am NOT going to check any of his AIM messages or anything. I even have his password to one of his e-mail accounts and I used to check that, but I found nothing. The less you look, the better you will feel. My therapist also suggested allowing yourself to look every couple of days, but after each time, up the days, like, "Okay, I will search today, but after that, I can't do it for 5 days..." and then after that, "I won't do it for 10 days..." and just keep going up until you no longer feel the urge to look.

I hope this helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 1:37pm
Girl...I've been there. And those who say they haven't checked up on their ex out of curiosity are either lying or the strongest of the strong. It's natural to want to know what they are up to. It's hard to sever ties with someone you were so close with. Believe me, I know. But start to limit yourself. Check it once a day...then once a week. I tried to go cold turkey for awhile and, believe it or not, I stuck it out for a month and it did wonders!!! Try getting a new hobby, going to the gym, or grabbing a good book when you feel the urge to "creep." Good luck girl. This will get eaier! You can do it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 1:53pm
yes i do/did this. funny, i actually had a conversation about exactly this w/ violet on this board just last night in an email. i told her all the "hits" my ex's AIM handle brought up for suicide girls...which is either pathetic or funny, depending on how you look at it. in any event, i've sworn it off, and i'm going cold turkey. i realized that whenever i did that the absolute ONLY thing that it did was make me feel like crap, for one reason or another -- there is just no benefit to doing it, none whatsoever. meanwhile, i'm sure he's googling me, as i used to see the history on his computer where he'd googled other people and ex's...and all my name brings up is my work bio and picture -- good picture, at that ;) -- and my 5k times for races posted online. so, in my mind, why in the world would i be dumb and make myself feel like crap about his online meanderings. and the added bonus is that if he'd googling me -- fantastic, eat your heart out, babe. ;) lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 5:10pm
Guilty of doing this, i did it for a while t hen stopped then again when thigns started nagging me
However, recently it gave me news i wished i hadn't found out
Its hard to do n i did feel guilty like i was doing something wrong but didnt know how to stop, now i know i gotta
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 5:57pm

I didn't google him, I wouldn't even know how (please tell me:~) but I did make the mistake once of checking his cell phone when he thought it'd be a good idea to come back to the apt we used to share (he's been staying with a friend since the break up but still comes here usually when Im not here to get stuff) Anyhow, he came here with one of his friends after a night out and decided to stay here... I moved to the sofa b/c he was real drunk and he shouldn't have been driving anyhow.
After he passed out I immediately went for the cell phone.
I found text messages, pictures, and vm from this girl and I was furious. Furious doesn't even tell you how mad/angry/upset/hurt I was. I woke him up 2 hrs later and tossed his/and his friends out. He denied it playing stupid but I knew exactly what I saw.

I won't do it again b/c it was harder to see that then to accept what I had already been dealt and was dealing with it. Don't do it anymore b/c it'll just make you miserable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 8:56am

I do the same thing!!! Well, not exactly the same thing... (I have come to the conclustion that I went insane because of this) I got on my ex's cell phone account to see who he's talking to, his email, his bank account and even his CAR INSURANCE, and its been almost a year since he dumped me.

Thats how I found out he's "talking" to one of my friends, I found out that his drivers lsc. is suspended, and I also found out that he sent $75.00 flowers to someone...

Heard the expression "curiosity killed the cat?" because that's what I was doing... Killing myself (figuratively speaking, of course!) I couldn't move on because I was to busy wondering how he moved on, and if he doesn't miss me, then who's keeping him busy??? It ran my life!! Not to mention it continually broke my heart when I saw things I didn't want to see. (i.e. flowers, text messages to my (ex)friend etc...) I finally got a grip- self control- and I don't even view his myspace page anymore. I don't want to live his life, I want to live mine. It's hard, believe me, but it's possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 9:10am
***"recently it gave me news i wished i hadn't found out"***
Exactly! I didn't want to know that my ex was doing certain things, talking to certain people, etc... But I would have never found out if I hadn't been looking for it!!!(I was always hoping to find emails telling someone how much he missed me, or somthing. Never happened...) I work at a computer all day, so it's SUPER tempting to "check on him", but now I use my internet to shop, post messages on message boards, and other things... Stop looking, it's worth it! Good Luck!