Does a break work ?
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| Tue, 07-26-2005 - 2:32pm |
I posted this message on the Should-I-stay board and then read it again. It didnt make much sense. So here I go again.
My BF and I have been dating for a year now. We love each other, but the relationship has been difficult (arguments, cheating, lying, the whole nine yards). After another breakup and get together last weekend, I suggested that we should take a break from each other and not see each other or talk to each other for a while to figure things out. I was upset and we had been fighting. I just didn't know another way because we had tried everything. I know it doesn't sound healthy, but it seemed like what I needed.
But now I miss him already. I am confused because I love him and want to work things out and not be away from him.
Do these things work? Has anyone done this before? Did I mess things up by pushing him away? Will he maybe never come back and start dating someone else. I'm so confused.
Any input is welcome.
SD

Hun,
First of all, you really need to think more of yourself.
He cheated and lied to you.
You're worried that you pushed him away this last time.
But you're denying yourself any kind of happiness down the road if you keep doing this to yourself.
You're feeling pain because you miss him and still want to be with him. My question is, why would you want to be with someone that cheated and lied to you? You fight with him. Do you think you honestly deserve that?
What you did was right. You told him you needed a break. You do.
You think you made a mistake, but you didn't. If he finds another girl, if you say you think this break will push him to someone else, then it's his problem.
If he moves on to someone else, it's because he wants to. If he truly loves you, then he will stop the cheating, the lying and try to be a better person in the relationship.
Do not beat yourself over this. You did the right thing. You may not realize this now, but you did. Give yourself more credit. You love him, and I can see that. You also sometimes have to let people go. The pain and anquish that goes along with this is something you will have to go through. It is natural to feel this way. But don't do this to yourself. If he made you feel bad enough to give him a break, then why are you feeling bad for doing so?
Believe me, I know how you are feeling. If he has cheated then he will likely cheat again. You put him on a break, and it is then up to him to decide to change his ways or move on. If he moves on, then don't blame yourself. You did what was best. If he moved on, then it shows he would have probably done this down the road behind your back and think of how much worse it would feel. Get these feelings out now. Post on here and talk to someone. The best advice I have is to talk to people. Family, friends, message boards. Let your feelings out and cry. Get your mind off of things. Help others and talk to them. You DID NOTHING WRONG. What you did was the RIGHT thing. You did the right thing and you will need to understand that.
He has caused this turmoil in your relationship. What he did to you caused you to go on a break. I know you love him, but can you ever trust him again? Do you miss the good times with him and forget the bad times?
Write down all of the things he has done. Put it on here if you have to. Write down the good things and write down the bad. It might not help you now but down the road when you are more stable emotionally, look at them.
The more you get back with him, the more you break up, it will be worse on you in the long run. You will be hurting yourself. If he loved you as much as you love him, he would not have cheated on you or lied to you. You may not emphasize that now, but down the road you will definately know this.
Again, if he finds someone else, then you know he really didn't love you enough to stop his cheating ways and lying and be with you. That is something you'll realize in the long run.
You do not deserve this at all. You seem like a nice person who really is in love. You have to see that you deserve someone who will cherish you, who will not cheat on you or lie to you. Remember the times you found out he cheated or lied to you? How did that make you feel? You're better than that, and you need to realize it.
Hi, SD. :)
Like yourself, I've come to this board to get some support and also give what I can to support others. I'm sorry for what you've been going through, within and out of your relationship, but I agree with the others - if he's cheated and lied to you, you deserve better. I'm not going to lie and say I know exactly what you're going through, but I do know that if anyone has cheated on or lied to one of my friends, I'd be as mad as hell at that person because no one ever, ever deserves that.
But ultimately, you will do what feels right for you. What I, and everyone on this board, will be able to offer is support no matter what you decide to do and go through. I hope and pray that everything turns out alright for you. :)