Does getting back together ever work out
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| Mon, 09-06-2004 - 9:21pm |
We did seem to get into a rut. Like we were too comfortable with each other or something. I suggested that we be "just friends" for a while. Thinking if we took the stress off the relationship, we could get out of our slump. He just wanted to break-up. He dumped me because he " isn't happy", "hasn't been happy for a while", "needs to find himself", "needs space", yada yada. Practically every cliche in the book! He has NEVER done a thing to hurt me. Has always treated me with the utmost respect. But, I believe him. He hasn't been acting normal. He hasn't been talking to any of his friends, even barely speaking to his family. He has been very depressed lately. Very homesick & very stressed. He just hasn't been himself.
He just "wants some time to think". He wants to be friends and doesn't know what the future holds for us. I begged him to just say this is over for good (this is hurting WAY too much). He couldn't. He "doesn't know what he wants". I know he still loves me. What is going on?
Am I an idiot? I think he'll be back. And, I would take him back in a heartbeat. This was such a shock that I think he just needs some time to regroup. Is it stupid to still want this? Is it even capable of working out?

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I have the same problem because he wont just say ITS OVER. he wants time to think and he doesnt know what he wants anymore. He just wants to be alone for a while. He is just very down in general. He wants me to be in his life but I cant anymore. I too believe he will be back but it might be too late by the time he realizes what he basically threw out to be "alone". There is also the possibility that maybe it is better this way for both of us. I did everything for him and I was happy too. I dont believe he will find someone who did the things I did without complaining and we rarely fought. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. They will realize this.
You are not an idiot for thinking what u do!!! For the last 2 months I have tried to be the understanding girlfriend who gave him all his space and tried to be there but I have just realized that he wont know what he has until it is GONE. It is hurting me and making me unhappy while I am trying to make him happy. I cant be on this rollercoaster while he tries to figure things out and neither can you. I dont think they are lying when they say they are confused and all that but that doesnt mean we have to suffer too. It seems like your breakup is very recent and I think that you may realize the same in time. No matter what any one told me happened with their situation or what I should do, i knew that I had to experience things for myself and feel like I did all I could to make it work before I am able to try to move on. You probably feel the same so I am not going to tell you what you should do I can only make suggestions. I have been there and in many ways am still there. I can tell you that if you try too hard you will only push him away and that might make it worse in the long run. I can only suggest that you give him the space he needs for a while. See if he responds to that. If not then start moving on and healing.
Keep busy and stay strong. Try to do what you feel is right. Everyone and everything is different so what hasnt worked out for me might work out for you.
If you want to talk about this at all or have any questions def feel free to ask or vent. I know what you are going through. Your feelings are not stupid!
{{HUGS}}
It seems that we all are taking about the same man. From my perspective men get bored so easily, the need new excitements, new ways to have sex, new faces, etc. that's why they "want space" and feel "unhappy".
It makes me crazy, it makes me have to start all over again the healing process I'd almost accomplished last summer. These guys are so addictive, so interesting, they make you feel SO GOOD when they are there with you, but they just can't sustain the sort of relationship that will make you happy. I've told myself this sort of dramatic back-and-forth is ok for now, because I often get bored in really committed relationships, and I know he's moving next month and it will end. BUT feeling this crazy, when the affection leaves, is not good. It makes me unable to focus on who I am and what I want, it even makes me unable to be interested in other guys, it turns me into this narrow-minded addict waiting for the next fix of attention from him.
I don't know if getting back together ever works out for other people, but your ex sounds a lot like mine, and it has DEFINITELY not worked out well for me.
Good luck, I know how much it hurts. Just remember, he is never going to make a decision about your relationship, he will keep the back-and-forth going forever if you let him. Any final decision is going to have to be yours.
-Starshaped.
I am getting to where I am almost glad he did this. We were almost seeing each other TOO often. Things were getting too comfortable. The only time we really fought is when he was going out of town somewhere (he is military). I apparently have some abandonment issues. I started to do some research and have realized that I may have “borderline personality disorder”. This is similar to being “bi-polar”. You are happy one minute, sad the next. You get angry easily, etc. After reading up on this, it sounds exactly like me. It’s no wonder that it seems I may have pushed him away. I emailed him about my great, milestone. He is actually interested and said he would buy the book about it. (So, he is interested in reading about my problems…I guess that’s a start.)
It seems that we have to learn about ourselves and understand ourselves before we can let another in. If we can’t even love ourselves, how can someone else love us?
I guess everything does happen for a reason. I needed to discover myself too. Too bad I had to be dumped to figure that out!
I can't call him up or see him. He doesn't want to do that right now. He can't handle anything too emotional right now. It's pretty much out of my hands and I am left wondering and waiting what will be.
I'm sorry to hear about the break-up....I know how upsetting break-ups can be. In some cases I'm sure you could reconcile and things work out and I've heard it happening on occasion but in my experience it may have worked out short term but never in the long run. I don't mean to fill you with doubt but just be honest because I see no point in sugar coating things. It's very possible you could get back together and work things out but it may not happen and you just need to be ready either way. Grieve for the relationship and then try your best to move on, when you're ready. Just don't put your life on hold in the hopes of getting back together....just live your life and if he decides he made a mistake....he'll let you know. Good luck and keep us posted!!!
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