Does getting back together ever work out
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| Mon, 09-06-2004 - 9:21pm |
We did seem to get into a rut. Like we were too comfortable with each other or something. I suggested that we be "just friends" for a while. Thinking if we took the stress off the relationship, we could get out of our slump. He just wanted to break-up. He dumped me because he " isn't happy", "hasn't been happy for a while", "needs to find himself", "needs space", yada yada. Practically every cliche in the book! He has NEVER done a thing to hurt me. Has always treated me with the utmost respect. But, I believe him. He hasn't been acting normal. He hasn't been talking to any of his friends, even barely speaking to his family. He has been very depressed lately. Very homesick & very stressed. He just hasn't been himself.
He just "wants some time to think". He wants to be friends and doesn't know what the future holds for us. I begged him to just say this is over for good (this is hurting WAY too much). He couldn't. He "doesn't know what he wants". I know he still loves me. What is going on?
Am I an idiot? I think he'll be back. And, I would take him back in a heartbeat. This was such a shock that I think he just needs some time to regroup. Is it stupid to still want this? Is it even capable of working out?

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Just to put in my two cents, I think the chances of getting back together are related to the reasons you broke up in the first place. If you broke up simply because one or both of you was going through a very rough time, I think you have a lot better chance of working things out again than if, say, you broke up because you had differing bottom-line values or beliefs. But it sounds like right now, since this is so painful for you, you need to set some boundaries in order to see an end to this hurting. You could tell him, for example, that you are just going to assume it's over (painful as that may be) and move on, and remind him that there are no guarantees. He can't just get back together with you in the future if he wants to, because you may well have moved on. Unfortunately, we just cannot control what happens in our futures -- only in our presents. And what I'm getting from you is that, regardless of whether it's possible for you to eventually get back together with him, you need your sanity back; you need to know what's what now, in the present, so you can feel you have a measure of control over your OWN existence and can contain your pain.
I wish you the best,
toriphile
Writing to you all and hearing others' problems is a good therapy. It seems to hurt less when others are being treated the same for some reason.
After the same conversations again, "I don't know what I want", "I can't promise anything", "We may have a future", etc. I have finally just told him I cannot talk to him anymore. I told him that there is just nothing left for me to hang on to. (But, this time I actually mean it! Lol. Okay, I'll try my best.)
My gut is just absolutely telling me he'll be back. I don't really doubt it at all. (My gut is what brought us to meet in the first place. As corny as it sounds, I think it was fate.) I did need to relearn how to be alone and that I have interests outside of him! I've forgotten what they all are! For now, I will try my damndest to get on with my life and try to forget about him...at least for now. When he calls, later on though, I might just change my mind. ;)
i was like... "what../?????? OK?" THAT same..SAME day he was walking with me and hugging me and we were kissing and spent alot of time together.. thats same day.. im thinkin to myself.."wth am i doing.. he just broke up with me.. but still.. he wants to hang out and kiss and call me EVERYDAY.." so i still talked to him b/c i loved him and really liked him... (reminder: we never had sex) so thats not why im in love with him)LOL i juss loved his personality.. anyways 3 months later he asked me out AGAIN.. im like "why?" he tells me he missed me and loves me." so im thinkin maybe he broke up with me to miss me...?/ but we stilll together its been a year...TODAY!!.. but it can work just be yourself!!!!.. i havent had sex with him yet.. imma virgin.. and he still here.. so just be you.. and he will love you for who YOU are.
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