Does he just not care?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
Does he just not care?
3
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 7:48pm
I hate this feeling that I am feeling right now. I so badly want to hear from my ex-boyfriend that it's killing me. I should be mad at him and never want to speak from him again but nope. It's been almost 4 weeks since he broke up with me after 4 years of being together, I found out later that his real reason for breaking up with me was because he met some girl at his work that I guess he wants to be with. I have not heard from him since the day he broke up with me and I have not contacted him either. I read a lot of these posts and most people hear from their ex's, not me and for some reason I want to. How do you just walk away after 4 years and never look back? Is it because he has someone to distract him? How I wish that this new relationship doesn't work.

I think one of the biggest reasons I want to hear from him is to know that he cares, does he not even care? I keep having these hopes of him calling me and us talking and I know that makes it worse. I have a really hard time dealing with this because up to two days before he broke up with me he was telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me. I am so confused and I am trying to answer all these questions that I may never have an answer to and that bothers me I want answers. I still have quite a bit of stuff left at our place so one day I will have to call him but I guess part of me keeps hoping he will make the first move. And right now because it hasn't been that long I probably would take him back as dumb as that sounds. 4 weeks is a long time to not hear from someone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 8:12pm
> I found out later that his real reason for breaking up with me was because he met some girl at his work that I guess he wants to be with.
I don't know how you found out, it doesn't sound like that's the line he gave you breaking up and you found out from someone else.
If that's true and then you gotta ask yourself, "is this the type of person I really want to be with? is this the kind of behavior that's acceptable? is that something that we could/should/are willing work through?" By the way, if you need a hint, the first two are probably "no" and the last one only you can answer. I'm not telling you to smash your hopes up against a wall. I think there's always hope when there's no total closure. I hope things get better for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 8:32pm

Tomorrow will be four weeks since we last communicated (through e-mail). We were together 3 years and he has made no attempt to contact me. I didn't like that this is the way he chose to handle this, but I had to come to terms with it and accept that it was over.

Keep the no contact going, I believe that is the only way to heal. Each week things have gotten better and I'm doing well and in all honesty, feeling relieved to be rid of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 5:22am

Not contacting him in four weeks, since he called it off, is a major achievement - well done! You should be really proud of yourself because you have done the right thing. Four years in a relationship is a very long time and a major investment of your time and emotions. So it must be incredibly hard for you right now.

you said that you still have stuff at "our place" to collect - were you living together? did you have to move out? Is it stuff that you need or can you let it go? It's just that we hang onto stuff like this to not make a complete break - it's normal. I'm doing it too. If you can just let it go and not worry about collecting it or ask a friend to arrange to pick it up on your behalf (dropping how great you are doing and how you're very busy dating wld be great too!) then that would be the best thing.

I also struggle with how someone can end it and seemingly not care anymore. How does someone go from loving you one day to not the next?! My b/f ended it with me three weeks ago today. i didn't handle it well at all and certainly not like you have unfortunately. But it was hard because he said he was still in love with me. Maybe if I'd walked away like you did he may have changed his mind. But maybe it's not meant to be so breaking up as hard as it is is the best thing to happen?

Getting angry really helps. How dare he just end it with you after four years?! You deserve, at the very least, a full explanation and the chance to discuss it all. If he was having doubts he should have talked to you about it. What kind of person just ends it without any discussion or proper explanation after four years?! How could it mean so little to him?! This all says more about him than anything. And if this is how he is going to behave, how he treats his relationships/the people who love him, than better off away from him! What if you were married to him for ten years or more and then one day he just said it's over?

You want and deserve better than this. We all do. It is so incredibly hard but I sincerely think you should really congratulate yourself. Women seem to need to know why a lot more than men, I know that i do and it drives me nuts.

I gave my b/f so many second chances and then weeks later he just dumped me! I couldn't believe it. he treated me just like rubbish, something that should be thrown out. After everything that we went thru it all meant nothing to him. But instead of trying to work out why and how he can do this, I'm better just thinking what an creep he is to behave like that and he obviously has a problem. and there must be (please God!) someone much better coming along for me - and you too.

Louise