does he know????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
does he know????
3
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 8:16am
Still no word from my X-fiance (who's been in the military and is also my X-husband) Here's the catch: About 10 years ago I set up a sting on a warrant and he went to prison for 3 years - and doesn't know I set him up. You're wondering "why the heck is she still seeing this guy after all that??" He may have found out it was me but hasn't mentioned it - or he wanted me to confess it. So after 8 years of no contact he calls and wants to get back together, then was deployed overseas again. It's such a dark secret but for my safety I'm afraid to tell him - and all of a sudden he stopped all communication and I guess we shouldn't have been reunited in the first place, 'cause of the past. It's sooooo complicated and has drained all the life out of me - Brad Pitt could walk by and I wouldn't even care. How can I get over this one?????????????? V
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 6:21pm
Do you really want to pursue this and put yourself in a DANGEROUS situation? If you do then go ahead and knock yourself out. This guy might be resentful after 8 years apart and the 3 he spent in jail because of your sting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 8:06am
He's done the pursuing ... and I was lonely and vulnerable. When I got his call after 8 years N/C I was in shock over the recent death of my sister, and he was a much needed diversion - AND on medical leave in another state (military). So I'd see him once a month and use e-mail till he went back overseas - and so had minimal contact anyway. He does hint around that he knows I'm the one who set him up - but his physical abuse made me do it. I think he suspects I did it and wants me to confess, like I'm the criminal. Which I won't for my safety and peace of mind. He's all caught up in his military world and is a soldier at heart so I'm not surprised I'd take second place, but the total silence is another matter. I don't want to admit that he hasn't changed and is still the jerk I tossed in the slammer - I'm just ridin out a big wave of grief over my sister and he came into the picture :) But now it looks like he's a big shark, V
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 11:11am
Hon, grief all what you want, BUT never losse your sense of reality and common sense. This man was/is violent and you know it first hand, so why keep contact with him? If he pursues then you tell him you don't want any contact with him. It's that simple, you are doing it for your well-being. People do what they want to do, don't they? This guy beat you up because he wanted to do it. Now that you're out of that situation, why keep contact with the abuser? It seems that you haven't moved on with your life since you still talk to him and are thinking in what he does and doesn't do. Why not think in what YOU want and go into some kind of counseling to find out why you want contact with him? If you're e-mailing and taking his calls it's because you choose to do it. If you sent him to jail then it's in the past and let it rest. The important thing is that YOU can start the healing process and move on with your life to better things. It seems that you still let this guy drag you all over with his comments and such. Shut your door to him and grief in peace with your family.