Does he Really want this breakup?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Does he Really want this breakup?
24
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 6:53am
My boyfriend and I of 2 years broke up 2 days ago. We had been having problems since he wanted his "space" about 4 months ago. I tried to give it to him but it just was too difficult after a while. It was as if he asked me to go backwards in the relationship.

It was kind of a mutal thing, expcept that I told him if he would just meet me half way on a few things we could stay togethr. He felt he couldnt and that he wont be able to give me what I want in life so its best this way.

He wants to meet me tomorrow to collect his things he left here. I agreed and now Im afraid 1) I cant handle watching him walk out that door forever and 2) Im afraid the attraction between us will end us up in bed togerher.

He told me the other day that no contact was best for us, yet the last 2 days he sees me online and he messages with me for an hour. He makes comments about me dating again, looking for new guys as if hes jealous. If hes jealous and wants me....why is he ending us????

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 2:35pm

Hi ladydeb,

You broke up only two days ago, so I am not sure how it might play out since it's still early, but if it's anything like my situation, (he broke up with me Sept. 6), then he has already made me fully aware by his actions and words that he's not coming back. We were together over 2 years and sometimes we would breakup over an argument, but we always figured we'd just get back together and we did. This time, he was different. It wasn't like the other times and and he gave me different explanations each time. First he wanted a break and then I ended up smothering him the first two weeks begging him back and even seeing him two times. Each time I saw him, I tried to be perfect for him, even doing things I wouldn't normally do, I even hiked Diamond Head the last time I saw him! After we hiked it to the top, I was hoping he would ask me back (lol), and he even read my mind and said "I'm not going to ask you back. This is something I need." He contacted me twice via AIM, but no indication that he wants me back. He only misses me but doesn't want to give it a chance. He's even still cold towards me when we did chat on AIM.

If you don't bother him, he will at least have the time to miss you. When he doesn't have you around all the time, he'll start to wonder about you and think of the good things and even try to contact you, but let it play out for awhile. I wish I had came to this board when we first broke up, I could have stopped myself from doing many stupid things, but all I can do is learn each time. He my bf also made comments in the beginning saying "Don't put pics of you and your new bf up on your myspace because im not going to look at it" (as if Im looking for anybody else, i only wanted him!)

The whole time I was being clingy to him when we broke up, it pushed him further away. He even started to get annoyed with me. I thought if I didn't try, then he would just go on and forget about me. I think that's what happens, the break or absence of you will either confirm he wants to be with you or doesn't want to be with you. As for me, he is sure he doesn't want to be with me because he's ready to move out of the state as soon as possible. I had to realize that I can't control the way he feels about me. I can try and remind him all he wants about how great we were and could be, but if he's already set in moving on from you, then that's what he'll do. It makes me crazy, but I just try to tell myself all the time, "why would i want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?" my problem is i keep making up reasons that he still wants to be with me because im still shocked about my breakup, and its been exactly 4 weeks today!! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 2:52pm

Welcome to the board ladydeb2006,


Whether he wants it or not, well, as long as his actions are matching his words, you have to assume he wants it since he asked for it. I know that is hard, but it's better than holding on to false hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 5:29pm

Always believe a guy when he says he needs his space!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 5:39pm
I like your response, even though it wasn't for me, it made me focus again. I can't control how he feels about me, he's already made up his mind. The best thing I can do is just leave him alone and he'll come to me when he wants to talk and possibly decide to be friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 6:29pm
No decision is ever final.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 12:31am

"He wants to meet me tomorrow to collect his things he left here. I agreed and now Im afraid 1) I cant handle watching him walk out that door forever and 2) Im afraid the attraction between us will end us up in bed togerher."

Like carrie said, how far you let him go, is really up to you.

I find having an incredibly stubborn or spiteful mindset helps. If he wants out, I'll not only show him the door, but I"ll roll up my sleeves and help him pack. And unfortunately I (and I hope you), come as a complete package. Sex comes with the responsibilities of a girlfriend. If he wants to get laid I'll personally google a list of strip clubs for him and give him taxi fare, but he's not getting any with me.

cheers
Susanna




Edited 10/5/2007 12:38 am ET by unicornssong
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 7:38pm

I just wanted to update that I met him today and returned his things. It was difficult but it felt like it had to be done, he cant give me what I want,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 9:10pm

I'm so sorry!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 7:13am

Freshstart:


You wrote to me:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 7:57am
Bump I need some help here. falling apart today

 

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