Does it really get better???
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 01-28-2007 - 4:59pm |
Although everyone says it gets better and easier it just isint for me. Two months feels like a while to be feeling this pain. I dont know what to do with myself and honestly feel like this is as good as it is gonna get. I just want to be HUMAN again. I feel like this is never ending and as time goes on i notice more and more how much i miss my old life and dont have a life now. I am so sick of feeling sorry for myself and asking why is this happening. I must have had to do something wrong. How do i go from being a normal person with love and a future plan to nothing. I feel so unloved and unneeded. When will this go away. 8 yrs is a long time and although i am young i still feel like this is the end for me. I will never love again or be loved, how when i feel like it isint getting any better. I am envious of everyone else because that was suppose to be me and now i feel like a nobody and nobody wants me or need me here. I dont ever think i will be able to have a new relationship. All i will do is compare and miss my ex. He was my world i gave him my all and now i am empty and lost. I come home and do the same thing now and i miss having my companion. I am at a loss of what to do anymore. I am lonely, empty and unloved. On top of this i am sure he is fine and with someone new already who has taken my place but i sit here and in agony and misery feeling like this is it for me. I just cant take this anymore......
Any advice??

Pages
There is hope my friend trust me I was married for 9 yrs to the "love of my life" until one day he told me that he didn't love me anymore and now he has been seeing someone new for the past yr I used to feel sorry for myself I used to feel this is the end for me no one is ever going to love me again and guess what you and I are wrong for someone will love us again after our hearts has healed and we learn to love ourself again In hindsight I think of the way he treated me poorly and why am I missing a jerk again ? so be strong and know that you are not alone its going to take more then 2 months to get over it but try not to dwell on it I have surrounded myself with my hobbies, love and support from family and friends and I know someday I shall find love again and you will find it again too trust me it will work out for the both of us someday !
HUGS
yes it does get better. if you let it.
the problem with break ups is the whole time we focus on what we've lost. and how to get it back. even though it might be the WORST thing for us to get it back. think of this as something that HAD to happen. coz there are better things in store for you.
the few hours after he broke up - i remeber thinking i'll never be able to smile or laugh again. but i did! and that seemed amazing. that i could smile and laugh without him.
also being on this board, i have flashes of insight, of how much i'm better off. how something terrible was being done to me, and how my self worth was being destroyed by being with this person. and in the long run, it really doesn't matter if right now he's with someone having a great time. i'm sure if you look back there wil have been many signs of neglect andindifference. you don't need that.
i'm 21. and got out of 4 year long relationship. he's with a diffeent girl everything. it hurt at first but now i just feel sorry for him. or whatever. maybe thats the path chalked out for him. its not for me. you take care. you will pull through.
Thank you all for your advice..
Boards seem to be slow lately...
Anyways, i have realized that going on the single life board is not good for me. I hear about people who have been looking for a while and still have not found someone. I am terrified that could be me. I wad a realationship for 8 yrs and i am not good at being single, Once again i am only 23 and feel so hopeless. It is such a bad road to be on. I am so loving and dedicated and now have absolutely noone to give the best of me too. boy do i miss my old life. Although i may not have been happy i was sure happier then i am now.
I guess i just want to say i am so so terrified i cant even explain it. I keep comparing all the people i know and think all the people who have been single for a while will be me. I just dont get why i need a man to complete me and why i am so terrified i wont get the happy family life i have always dreamed for.
Sometimes i wonder what this thing called life reall is!!!!!!! It just seems like a bad ride.........
It does get better, over time. You really need to try to focus on what you enjoy doing for yourself, outside of him or the relationship that you had. Have you ever wanted to try dance lessons, art lessons? Maybe spend some time reading a book (I would highly recommend Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert). I read it two weeks after my break up and it really helped me. It's about a woman who finds herself by traveling the world. It's very funny and insightful.
I would also get some really good friends and lean on them. And I would write. I wrote like mad. I would write letters to myself, to him and not send them and to God. Writing helped me to purge all those painful thoughts and feelings, at least for a little while. I also found that talking to older friends (those who are in their 30's who've gone through these things more than once) was really really helpful. They have very mature insight into the human experience and somehow always made me feel so much better.
Good luck and I promise, it does get better over time. You just have to focus on YOU. And DON"T talk to him! Seriously. Don't.
Two months is not a long time after a painful breakup to be back to yourself. My ex did the disappearing act on me 7 months ago and I am just now getting to a point in my life where I feel I can heal and move on AND I am also to the point where I really don't care what he is doing or who he is with. If you have been with your ex for 8 years, it will take more (a lot more) time than two months for your heart to heal but I guarantee you will heal as long as you stay away from him (NC is a must). After my breakup I did the usual hanging out with friends and family which really helped but I have recently found that going to church and reconnecting with God has helped so much. I am not going to get all religious on you but I found that the void my ex left in my heart is no longer there since I have gotten more involved in church. I took me months after my breakup to figure this out but I am glad I did. I really do wish you the best, I totally feel your pain and so many of us on this board are here to support you. Just remember, you are number one not the ex.
Take Care!
I feel for you honey, even though you are going through h&ll, you will one day feel better. You have to go through the steps of grieving. What a loss you have taken, it's normal to feel as you do.
Cry and get the tears out, stroke yourself, give yourself love, sometimes we have to love ourselves when we lack love. Be kind to yourself. You are not alone in your grief for we all have known grief.
After awhile, go out and get into life again. Socialize and live. You will get tired of grieving and will want to get on with your life. good luck
I used to say, why was I born? The only way you can get over it is to except the fact that he is gone.
You have your whole life ahead. You are very depressed and perhaps you should get out and socialize, get a hobby, can you get an animal, animals are wonderful therapy. They love you no matter what. They have a way to feel and empathize with you.
You must have had a good relationship and it's only natural to want it back. There is a big hole in your life that needs to be filled. Maybe you can fill it by volunteering and giving of yourself to others who are as needy as you. I wonder how many people who are so lonely that they hurt so badly. The pain is so great and one thinks that one can't ever get over it. Yet in time, we do.
Get a diary and journal. Express your feelings on paper. Give yourself a hug.
Hello,
I truly know how you are feeling and I understand how so hard this is to let go. But you have to remember that two months is not that long of a time. You were in this relationship for 8 yrs. so you can't expect to lose all feelings after such a short period of time. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You have to take it one day at a time. Focus on each day and spend as much time as you can with family and friends. Are you religious? What helps me is believing that everything happens for a reason. You're only 23. Thats still very young. Whats to say that you won't meet someone tomorrow? But remember this, you have to love yourself before having someone else love you. There will be times in your life when you feel sad, but thats life. Everyone goes through it. It WILL get better. Have faith that everything happens for the best. I truly believe that. There's this song by Mariah Carey called Through The Rain...its really helped me. I hope it will help you too. Best Wishes to you.
Hi jr419803 - everyone here was so nice to lend you support!
Pages