Does love really exist

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Does love really exist
13
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 4:25pm
Does true love really exist? Is it possible to be with one person for the rest of your life? Is it unrealistic to expect my boyfriend to be faithful to me? I married my high school sweetheart right out of high school. I was 18 he was 19. We were married for 7 years, had 3 kids together. And it hurt like hell when I found out he cheated. I saw the signs. But I couldn't believe that he'd ever do that to me. Now 3 years after the divorce I'm still scared that the next man will do the same thing. My boyfriend and I broke up because I didn't trust him and even though we're trying to work things out I'm scared to trust him. I'm scared to give my heart to any man because I honestly believe good men don't exist. I am tired of being lied to and hurt. I am tired of being made to feel like I'm not good enough. Sometimes I feel I'd be better off dead. My kids don't need to see their mom depressed all the time and hurting. What do I have to offer them in this state of mind? I've tried to get pass this feeling. But day after day, it gets worse and worse and worse. I'm tired of trying and I think this may be my last Christmas with my kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 4:58pm
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through, but please seek some help. There is a Crisis Hotline number you can call for free help 24 hrs/day. In this area it is 800-833-2900. They can give you a referral number for your area. These people are highly qualified to help and they truly care. Please get some help soon for your sake and for your children's sake. Please take care and don't give up. There are alot of good men out there and you deserve one of them and/or some counseling to help with your current situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 5:02pm

Love is the willingness to be vulnerable to another person. I think it exists. You sound like you could use some help in getting over the hurt and betrayal of your ex. Have you considered counseling? It will help you rebuild your self-esteem also.

Reading material to consider:
Gerald G. Jampolsky wrote two really great books - Forgiveness – The Greatest Healer of All and Love is Letting Go of Fear

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny, by Joyce Meyer (Christian Based)

National Suicide Hotline 1-800-Suicide (1-800-784-2433)

Please seek help. Your kids need you. You are their role model. Teach them to by your example - that means take care of you so you can teach them.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 5:24pm
I could have written your posts myself. As a matter of fact, I did one quite similar on another board. I too had a child with my highschool sweetheart who I was with for five years and loved dearly, but he ended up physically abusing me. I then married a man that didn't want to work or help take care of our family and during my marriage I got raped by someone I thought was a friend, that my husband blamed me for. Since I got no support from him, I divorced him. And every other relationship I tried having after that ended in disaster because I was too afraid to trust anyone. So, believe me, you're not alone. I know exactly how you feel and what you're going through. But you must not give up! There is help out there for people like us. I have been seeing a therapist for PTSD, and she's referred me to a counselor because my last breakup had me at the end of my rope. So, get some counseling. Talking about what troubles you helps a lot. Writing to these boards also helped me a lot because the people here give really good advice as far as trying to help you learn to live for yourself and not some man, doing things to make yourself happy, to get your mind off your other problems, and helping you to understand that no one else can love you until you learn to love yourself. I now it's all more easily said than done, but it can be done. Praying also helps. And if for no other reason, get help for your children's sake. They need and love you more than you could ever know. I'm not the best at giving advice, but I hope this helps, at least a little. Just remember, you're not alone, but we're going to get through this. We ARE going to get through this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 11:34pm
True love DOES exist. It exists in the love that you give your children and the love they give you. Men and relationships can be exhausting and troublesome at times, but please don't give up hope! Your kids need you and your love! I'm sure they wouldn't know what to do without you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 12:41am


after a lot of introspection i have realise dthat "love" can happen only between two STRONG and CONFIDENT individuals. love is wanting the other person to do well. but for most, love becomes about feeling good about yourself. all these jerks in ourlife - thats what they've been doing. feeling good feeding off our"love" for them.

you know something else? this depression you are in ,we all are in, is actually healthy. it means chnage. don't let it become toxic. deal with it. its ok to hurt. it is NECESSARY. coz we are going through a process where we are all discarding something that meant so much to us. its NORMAL to be hurt and depressed. after this, you will emerge stronger - have new principles in place. about how you will not allow yourself to be violated. implement them. i'm speaking from experience. now if i suspect someone is taking me for granted( even a friend) i emotionally check out. thats my way of dealing with it. not to give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt.

and your mistrust of all me in general. thats wonderful. it your heart's way of protecting itself. from being tooo trusting - its become comletely mistrustful. soon you will reach a balance. all this pain, hurt, depression, mistrust - this only shows me you are healing!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 1:14am
We all have had a heartbreak at some point in time during our lives, but that should not discourage you for your future. It should make you stronger. Remember that you are beautiful and your children LOVE YOU, AND THEY ARE GOING TO SUFFER IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU! Do you relly want to screw up their lives just becouse the man you loved cheated? You should think as life in a more broader way, there is more to life than just romantic love. There is the love of your children. I think you should seek professional help about your depression. God loves you, YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE SCARED AND LONELY WITHOUT YOU. Fight your demons with the strength of their love. You do NOT need a man in your life to be a somebody, YOU ALREADY ARE A SOMEBODY. You are a mother, a woman who CAN AND WILL OVERCOME. You are at a vulnerable stage of your life ( a young mother with young kids, responsibilities are overwhelming aren't they?) Take time for yourself. Do not date for a while. Get to know yourself without a man, just you: what you want, what you need and where you want to be.Go outside and look at the sky:the world is beautiful, so are your childrens smiles. IS YOR EX WORTH LEAVIG THOSE THINGS BEHIND? You deserve to be loved and you will be. All men are not the same. TRUST ME! I have been cheated, mistreated and all of that. I still believe in love. So should you, but you have to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. DO NOT BE SELFISH FORGETING ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN! THEY LOOK UP TO YOU! YOU ARE THEIR WORLD! DO NOT STEAL THEIR WORLD AWAY, THEY DO NOT DESERVE IT. Seek HELP, NOW, and for crying out loud woman, you do NOT NEED A MAN TO BE A SOMEBODY, YOU ALREADY ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON AND THE WHOLE WORLD TO YOUR KIDS. GOD be with you, get yourself together and shake that dust _ FOR GOOD!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 2:18am
My sister left me a note this evening asking me to come to this site and read her message. I didn't know she was in so much pain. My sister killed herself tonight. I won't go into details about how she did it but she said she couldn't go on anymore. She called me and asked me to come save her, she was scared. She didn't sound right so I rushed over there but it was too late. She was gone. The last number on her cell phone was an 800 number that I see now on this site was a suicide hotline. In her letter she said she was sorry. She felt that it wouldn't get better and she didn't want the kids to suffer anymore with her depression. Thank you for trying to help her. We didn't know things were so bad for her. I miss her already.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 8:50am

Like others have said, please seek professional help.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 11:54am

halfbarnes2 killed herself. is this message board helping anyone at all? this is so depressing. is there really no way out ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 12:28pm
Yes, this board does help. I am in the same boat that she was in and still think of committing suicide on a daily basis, but coming here daily and reading you guys' reason of why I must get stronger and get help, if nothing else, but for my kids, really does make a difference. I'm still depressed, but I am going to counseling and I am on anti-dpressants and I tell myself, with time, I won't hurt so much and I will learn to love again. So, with all that being said, again, these boards do help. I feel bad for her, but that's just one more reason for me not to go through with it because reading her post scared me and made me even more not want to give up.

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