Does real love fade?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Does real love fade?
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Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:08pm

Well...I'm posting again. I'm just wondering if real (or "true" what have you) love ever "goes away." Basically, I'm asking b/c I am *still*, after three months of being broken up, just as in love with my ex ever. And I still just plain old love and respect him just as much as ever, perhaps even more. I'm not in touch with him, which isn't "difficult" like it was a few months ago when I had to fight with myself not to pick up the phone, but it still hurts. And while I understand that it's okay to feel that hurt and that there is nothing to "make" it go away, I'm wondering if it ever *will* go away. It's there b/c I'm madly in love with some one that I can no longer have as I want him--I could have him as a "just friend" if that's what I wanted, but it's not so...yeah. Rambling.

Does the intense feeling of unrequited love ever just fade into something manageable? How does one continue with ones romantic life when you are in love with someone else? At the moment I'm just telling the guys I go on dates with that I only want companionship, fun times and no expectation or obligation (but of course whatever happens will happen), which is truly all I want from them right now, because I'm emotionally invested in someone else (but I don't say the last part). They've been fun dates with fun, nice and attractive guys, whose company I have enjoyed quite a bit. But, I don't know...though they're fun and all that I want from men right now, they make me feel the loss of my ex all the more acutely. Simply b/c what I had with him was deep and soulful...and what I have with these guys, even if we get along, have fun and are friends, is so very not. oh that pesky love.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:31am

I do not believe in "soulmates". I do believe like eeyore that there may be a handful of people...not just one...that will make us feel that chemistry, have the same beliefs, and even the physical attributes all in one ..that make us swoon.

I hope I didnt give the impression that only one guy on earth is my "one"..but rather the synergy of thats "him"..thats what i want...ya know that feeling is fleeting and far far far between. You can fall in love with that person and they not love you...and know its "real" to you. That is for sure, I know it in my bones. Does that love fade? I think it is harder to fade away, than when there is something that turns you away from them other than their rejection of you. If its a peaceful friendship etc when you can't just pretend they are dead because that is harsh because they werent harsh to you etc.

i hope i am making sense...
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 12:45pm

The idea that "one person" exists for us and only one.....ought to be run from with the fear of God's wrath if you ask me.

Because here's what that means....in hard terms.

It means that there is only "one person" that is right for you out there on this earth. That you have no guarantee of ever meeting or knowing. It also means that anytime that you're in a relationship wtih somenoe who's "not that person" - that other person could be walking thru your life and moving on - and there is no way to reconnect.

Now.......you wanna hear something to make you laugh on Friday.....I heard a "playa" use this line on some dumb chick...and she bought it.

That he couldn't "commit to her" - sleep with - absolutely, hang out with - at his convenience, but he couldn't get into a relationship with anybody until he knew they were "the one" and in light of not knowing - he couldn't afford to be tied down and obligated or exclusive in any capacity because "the one" might pass thru and be missed -never to be seen again.

She bought it...she was his booty call for about 3 years! She was waiting for him to decide that she was the one......like he wanted "the one"......she didn't get the message until after 2 abortions and 3 years he quit calling, she finally tracked him down for "closure"....and found out that he'd gotten a new cell phone, had never memorized her number, couldn't remember her physical address.....because she always came to him when she called...for him to "cum" all over her. He kinda/sorta remembered who she was - almost got her last name right too!

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 6:52pm

IMO, loving someone and being right for each other are two different things, in the sense that you can love someone and he can love you, but you still may have issues that make you incompatible or otherwise not right for each other. Loving someone, and being loved by that person, isn't enough for a successful relationship.

To the OP: yes, love does eventually fade. That doesn't mean your feelings weren't real at the time, it just means that you've accepted that the two of you aren't right for each other. You will most likely always retain a soft spot in your heart for your ex, but you will eventually get to the point where you are no longer in love with him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 9:46pm

<>

I know that will probably happen...but even the thought of that makes me incredibly sad. I've never loved like this before and...well, I'm mourning. I wish love were enough. :-(

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 11:01pm

I know, I know...I've been through this process more times than I care to count, and it feels so unfair every time. But since I have, I know that even though you feel like you will never get through it, that you can't bear the pain and the sadness, you can and you will, and it will be ok.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 9:47pm

It's been just over a year that I broke up with my ex. I'm now seeing someone new, trying to move on with my life. I still think of my ex EVERY DAY...there are many songs that I still can't listen to because they remind me of him; I cry very easily when i think of him. I miss him so much, I can't even explain. We got along perfectly. We couldn't get married for, as one person posted, "rational reasons": he was arab/muslim, i'm catholic/european. we were together for 3 years. i feel that i will go the rest of my life missing him like this; I really doubt i'll ever meet anyone i got along with as well. he told me he feels the same way. i often feel that my life is ruined because of this. funny thing is, he was somewhat emotionally abusive near the end of our relationship, and despite that, i still love him to death and wish with all my heart that we can be together.
is this irrational? definitely. but it's almost come to the point where i feel i either live my life 'rationally' never being really happy without sharing a life with him, or...forget about being rational and give in to emotion (go back to him, give this relatinoship another go).
we are not young or stupid...both he and are 25 yrs old, both university educated.

i dont think real love ever fades, no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 7:02pm
Hi eeyore_2436...
I can't offer any advice at this point...but I can say you basically looked into my heart and put it into words...I feel exactly the same way, exactly.
I hate this word, but supposedly "time" helps, I'm at 3 months and still feel the same I did as of day 1. He just fit...when you looked in his eyes you felt like you were home..and saw a part of you. I have no flippin idea how to move on...dating is almost like being on a sitcom...I sit there at dinners and really think I could be an Ally McBeal episode..oh just keep kicking I guess...

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