This doesnt make sense...Please Help me!
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 12-14-2006 - 3:27pm |
Hi everyone--
I have never used a site like this, but I am desperate for some input, here is my situation:
My boyfriend & I had been together 6 months, I was in my last semester of college and he had graduated from the same school in the summer. We met in June 2006 and from the beginning we were attached at the hip. We were together everyday, 24 hours, never slept alone, unless one of us had school or work. We were so happy, out in public, by ourselves. We fell in love immediately (although I told him I love him first, which may have been a mistake, but was the truth). We knew I would be graduating in Dec (in 2 days from now actually). We always talked about moving somewhere together so we could be together and not have to break up. I have always wanted to go to NYC and he wanted to return home to south florida for law school. First we decided we would go to NYC and he would go to school there, then he changed his mind. We went back and forth about where we would go, and who would make the sacrifice. Finally after many 'mind changes' and close calls, we decided I would move to south fl with him (which meant me giving up my dreams of NYC). Fast forward to last week. After my final exams I drove down there to meet him, he was already there working for his father for some extra $$ ( the job made him miserable). When I got there he didn't greet me, he looked so unhappy and down. The whole week he was acting sad and depressed, only once and awhile would the 'happy' person I know and love came out. I was patient with him and gave him space. Well Sunday morning after a few days of interviews for new jobs for me, I expressed to him that I was a bit worried that I wouldn't find a good job here (the area is terrible for jobs with my degree). I told him it had nothing to do with him and my love for him I just wanted to be sure I was going to be happy. He told me to think about it and get back to him, but to be sure (he was being kind and mature about the situation). He left for a few hours with his father to go shopping, and what returned was a monster. He walked up to me when he got home and start yelling go pack your s*** we are going back home (where we go to school). He wouldn't tell me what was going on, he just kept yelling at me and telling me that if i wont pack my stuff and put it in my car, he would do it for me (which he ended up doing). I was crying and begging him to tell me what was going on, he was so angry, I didn't even recognize him. So we went back home ( in separate cars) he wouldn't talk to me on the phone or anything. He did say we would talk when we return that night. We got close to our exit and as we were turning off he swerved the other way and stayed on the road (only to find out later he didn't want me following him). He would not take my calls, I was a mess. I didn't hear from him till the next morning, he came to my house and broke up with me. He said very little, just we aren't meant to be and that he was leaving for south Florida for good in two hours (no sadness in his face or tone; all business, cold). I begged him not to leave, that I loved him, and we could work all of this out, I cried my heart out. He wouldn't even let me hug him. He drove away with me crying in my parking lot. I lost it, I couldn't believe that someone who I loved so much had just left me. I had boxes piled high in my living room ready for this move, a Uhaul scheduled for my stuff (which he booked), and no idea what to do now. The only thing I have heard from him since was that he wanted me to mail all his stuff to him that he left at my place. After begging him to call me, he finally did 2 days later, only to hear the same thing in a business like tone. 'We aren't meant to be, get over it.' I have tried everything, emails, IMs, text messages, phone calls. No response only to be blocked. I haven't raised my voice, said a cuss word, or said anything disparaging to him. Yet he has treated me like I slept with his best friend, shot his dog, and punched him in the face. He is angry about something, I can tell. I don't know what happened in those few hours at the mall with his dad, but whomever came back was someone I don't know. Our relationship was amazing, we hardly fought, we even talked about getting engaged. My friends and family are shocked that he has done this, everyone knew how happy we were. In one conversation I asked him if he was going to change his mind and he said "No, I can promise you that". What happened to the guy who told me he loved me 10 times a day, who had me in his arms every minute he could, who made me promise I would stay with him forever, and who told all my friends and his how lucky he was to have me.
I am heart broken, confused, and desperate to get him back. But he is being so mean to me, so cold. This all happen so quickly and I am devastated. I graduate in 2 days and that is completely ruined, I am not eating, I wont leave the house, I'm a mess. I have no plans now on where to go or what to do. I need advice....was this really not meant to be (how did he seem to figure that out in 4 hours)? Is he an angry person with serious issues? How can I stop dreaming about the life we were a few days away from having? I swear I didn't see this coming....

I really don't like the way he treated you--terrible! And constantly calling him will psuh him further away. He does sound like he has some major issues to work through and he needs to do it on his own.
My advice to you is to worry about you now and go back to your orginal plan and move to NYC. I live there and it really is the greatest place to live. You should really consider it and don't worry about moving further from him: What's meant to be will be.
I am sorry you are going through this because like you, I was dumped without why. Men who do this to women do have some issues going on and I really think it stems from mental issues. I was dumped 6 months ago and it still hurts at times because I just don't know why but I have to accept it and try my best to move on. Try your best to do the same and whatever you do, don't contact him anymore. Like my ex, your ex sounds like he can't deal with stress or life troubles. I am just realizing that I don't want to end up being with a person like this. I want someone who will be open with me whatever is going on his life. Thanks goodness you two were only together for 6 months instead of 6 years. I know the pain is just as bad but at least you are young, educated, and have a lot going for you. Men don't alway make sense but it is not our job to figure out what is going on in their head. They need to do that on their own.
Take this time and spend it with family and friends who are people who truly love you.
i'm so sorry to hear about this. the advice the others gave you is right on target. i, too, felt like i was reading about my breakup. one day it was wonderful, we were planning our life together and literally the next day he broke up with me, with no explanation, was extremely cold and would not let me hug him or even ask questions. so please know you are not alone. the BEST advice i was given was do not contact him. so i didn't, and after almost 2 months, he contacted me...and then wouldn't stop. you have to realize that by contacting him it will only push him further away. i thought if i kept calling, eventually he would cave and talk to me, but got this advice from friends who had been through it and i'm so glad i stopped...even though when he came around and wasn't, and still am not, ready to talk.
you wrote, "Yet he has treated me like I slept with his best friend, shot his dog, and punched him in the face." i completely understand what you are saying--my ex is still doing some things that i would only expect towards someone who did something like that. it made me so angry and upset that he had that little respect for me as to do those things...which i know deep down he didn't but it doesn't make it any better. the only thing i can say about why he acted that way and is like a different person is that guys deal with things differently. they turn off the switch and don't want to think about it and who knows, maybe he wants you to be mad at him so it's easier. i can't explain it, if someone can, let me know. but what i do know is that what goes around comes around and eventually this will catch up with him, i promise you that. if and when he does want to talk, don't make any rash decisions, wait and think about it. but we'll talk about that down the road...
there may never be a TRUE explanation for things and i promise you that eventually you will be ok with that. it is what it is. that doesn't make it any easier now and i'm sorry that your graduation, which is supposed to be a wonderful time in your life, is now tainted by this. do the best to get through it and realize that now the world is your oyster. new york is a great place with a million opportunities, you even said that in florida the jobs you are looking for aren't really there. there was a reason that this happened, even if you don't know what it is right now. it means your life is supposed to be headed in another direction. i know it is hard, so impossibly hard. this latest breakup has been the hardest thing i think i've ever dealt with in my life. now is a time of change for you and you have the opportunity to do something wonderful with it. best of luck to you!
I am so sorry you had to go through that last week... my heart goes out to you. I too decided to move where my ex was living(800 mi away), quit my job and left my comfort zone. I was there for 4 months. During that time I realized that I didnt really know him... I discovered he was lying to me, he treated me very disrespectfully- we didnt have the same values. I got out of there, moved back home. That was 2 months ago...incredibly devastating. Just trying to get my life back together, find a job and move on.
I know this is not comforting right now, but at least you found out about his issues sooner rather than later, like when you were living together, when you had a job- when it would be harder to get yourself out of a potentially unhealthy situation.
Whatever he was going through, he SHOULD NOT have treated you that way. What he did to you was uncaring, cruel and incredibly disrespectful. There are no excuses for his behavior. Now is the time to take care of you- lean on family and friends for support. Take one day at a time.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. You'll heal from this. You have a college education and a bright future ahead. Carve out your life based on your own dreams and aspirations.
Good luck and I'll be thinking of ya.
Wow- I'm so sorry that you have to go through this right now! What an awful story!
I went through a really terrible breakup so I can kind of relate a little bit. My ex and I lived together, and one night, out of nowhere, he picked a fight with me and ended it. I was completely devistated- and I remember that
Hmmm, I'm gonna go slightly left of what everyone else has said, although, what was already said was really good.
I think Sandra is dead on. This situation seems to have much more to so with his relationship with his family than his relationship with you. He seems to be doing what his parents have told him and rather than tell you what happened he is freezing you out. There is nothing you can do about this, it is his choice. Go to NY and live your life.
Good luck!
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/