Doing Horrible - Please Read
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| Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:13am |
Hi all,
Before I begin and you all ransack me with your responses telling me how stupid I am and that I deserve everything I'm about to tell you, let me just say one thing… I do realize I've made a HUGE mistake, and that the feelings I'm having right now ARE my fault and were brought on by me, so I don’t need to be told that. I'm just coming here to vent at this point. That's another thing. I did make a phone call first thing this morning to my old counselor saying I would like to come back in for sessions again, so I'm waiting for a callback from her to start up my appointments again. I know this is out of hand and that I need help and just cant do this on my own. Anyway, here's what happened.
The guy from the other state got in touch with me over the weekend and I gave in and saw him on Friday. We met up and did "the usual". Except this time was different. It was very weird. He had a friend pick him up in the morning. And in the morning he got up, didn’t even speak to me, went straight into the bathroom with his bag to get ready to go, and I could hear him talking. I wondered who he was talking to, so I walked closer to the door, and I heard him talking about me!! I couldn’t believe it! He was talking down about me to his buddy. He had the water running so that I wouldn’t hear, but he was talking loud enough where I did still hear him.. He goes "talk about freaky sh*t man! She was blah blah blah…" and went on and on about the things we did. Then he goes "yeah she did. I don’t care man! Alright, I better go"… I was so upset!! So when he came out I was over across the room and I said "freaky sh*t, huh?" he laughed and tried to deny it saying he knew I was listening. I know that was bs. He didn’t know. Then he calls me at home later on and starts playing mind games with me, turning everything around on me, saying things to me that I used to say to him. Like "you think I'm cheap don’t you? What do you think I am? A man whore? Do you think I'm easy?" etc etc etc. It was just weird. Like he was playing games with me. So I told him never to speak to me again. I spent the rest of that day in my bed thinking about what a low down slut I must've made myself out to be all this time. I felt horrible. My self esteem is in the ground and I feel like I cant fix things on my own, I realized I needed help. I finally got out of bed yesterday afternoon. I hadnt been able to eat for a day and a half. I talked to a good, trusted friend of mine who is an RN and knows me and my history very well. He suggested I get myself some help fast and work on things. That's why I came in this morning and immediately called for that appointment. But I still feel terrible. Used, worn down, like I don’t want to do anything, work, see my friends, etc. I just hope this gets better.

We have all done things that we regret after they are done (ie sleeping with someone too soon or whatever) but it sounds like you are beating yourself up over this guys actions. Don't take on his actions as a reflection of you. He sounds immature and downright odd. That is out of your control. Soemtimes we don't see people as they really are until we have been intimate or having been seeing them for quite awhile and then we beat ourselves because we didn't see the problems sooner. I applaud you for taking responsibiltiy for your own actions, but don't take responsibility for his and don't allow yourself to feel bad because he was a jerk.
Hugs,
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
Look at what you did: You found out the truth before anymore time passed AND you stood up for yourself by telling him never to talk to you again.
It's normal to feel down and upset. Going back to counseling is a good thing.
Carrie
NO YOUR NOT DOING TERRIBLE DEAR...dont say that and dont think that way....so what, what he think's about you....just remember we are just human we do mistakes and from that mistakes we learn from there...right?
so what if you sleep with him...just think this way...we need that also right??...lol
I think going to counseling and realizing it was a mistake is already the first step to healing. I don't know your whole story, but if he's an ex that you've been going back to, at least you will think twice now, or better yet, never talk to him again. Anyone who talks about you like that is not worth your time bcs they don't respect you enough to be.
All you can do is see it as a wake up call and move on to find someone who makes you feel great about yourself bcs that's what you deserve.