Doing well but starting to relapse
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Doing well but starting to relapse
| Sat, 03-17-2007 - 8:43am |
It's been 2 weeks since I've spoken to my ex but now I'm starting to wonder what he is up to. Also, I'm terrified at the thought or chance or running into him when he is with another girl. These feelings make me want to pick up the phone to see if he is dating or what he is up to.

Don't pick up that phone and call him. Believe me you'll only feel worse than you did before. Take it from someone who knows. I don't call my ex but he will sometimes call me and I usually don't answer the phone but when I do I hang up and am furious and there's a huge pit in my stomach.
My ex and I don't see each other and don't talk on a regular basis but we still have some contact. The longest he's gone w/o calling me has been 5 days and that was last week (wed-sun)Then for some unknown reason he called me Mon(like 5x)but I didn't answer. Tues I did leave him money for the gas bill and asked him to get a reimb for me from his work.
So he called me again Tues (like 8x) again I didn't answer. I did call him while I knew he was working and left a msg on his cell phone--telling him that i saw he called and answered ? that I thought he was calling for and I just left it at that... well he called me back later that night and again I didn't asnwer. Wed did the same thing but this time he called his brother who gave me his phone to talk on--- i was snagged. He was nice to me and we didn't argue but he asked why I don't answer his calls. My response-b/c 2 wks ago he told me that we didn't really need to talk b/c we weren't dating and only needed talk about necessary things. What he was calling for must have been necessary right... I told him to leave me vm and I'll see if I think it's important enough to call him back...he chuckled. So then of course I'm mad b/c I don't hear what I want to hear, even if I know its not good for me and now I'm mad.
Trust me you don't want to know if he's dating. I know my ex is and it kills me and breaks my heart when I think about it. I can see him smile with her and joke around and then realize it's not me and I'm a mess....don't find out. Just do what you're doing and stand your ground.
Mishmosh! Hang in there! I've only been one day with no contact and I am so proud of you that you've gone two weeks. That's an eternity to me with no contact! My goal is one week, one day at a time. Don't spoil it now. If he's met another girl, it doesn't matter, he'll just be mean to her eventually. Feel sorry for her, not sad for yourself. I'm trying to take my own advice -- lol -- because I'm feeling the same way. Obsessing about what he's doing, worried that tonight with St. Paddy's Day he'll get drunk and take someone new home. But hell -- maybe I'll get drunk tonight and take someone home. Grin.
Got an email from his mom today -- he clearly lied to her about why I won't be attending his nephew's birthday party today. He hasn't told his mom we've broken up. So I told her. Does emailing with the ex's mom violate no contact?
Thank you. My was horrible! He was both abusive and cheated so its a good thing that we broke up but sucks that I'm dealing with this grief because its still a loss for me.
Its always harder on the weekends.
I would not respond to his mother unless you guys were really close. Then I would politely tell her that you and ?? are no longer together. Don't get into the details, let him tell her why.
Ill try to be strong. This might be harder than no contact.
Personally I don't think it violates the rule per se but it doesn't help you move on either. It's just prolonging the inevitable--my ex's mom has sent me a few e-mails.
One right after the break up and I was devastated and wrote back how sad I was blah blah blah. She's written me a few since then and I haven't responded.
Earlier this week I set up a new e-mail address b/c I'm moving out of state and wanted the people on my contact list to have my new address before i go so that we're not in limbo. I didn't realize that I sent it to her too and she wrote back to me telling me what a wonderful person I was and that she misses me and my dog. She loves me and hopes that I'm finding happiness w/o her son. She says he treated me badly and I deserve better than that. She said that she has given up on grandchildren b/c no babies deserve to be born to her kids. WOW!
Ya know it sucks b/c I really miss her e-mails and her calls to me etc but after I get them now I'm sunk even lower. I feel like I've been broken up with all over again and I start all over.
I wouldn't do it.
Hi mishmosh07 and welcome to the board.
::He's was a horrible boyfriend-cheated and abusive-so why am I feeling this way?
Everything you feel is normal.
Hi!
Sorry about this...stay strong...understand your feelings and stick to them...don't be angry when he's angry, then be caring when apologizes....
Read my posts, I've used this forum for venting instead of contacting her.
We had a 3 week set of email exchanges that went no where. I poured out my thoughts and feelings about how she's jumped into another relationship so quickly.
She was saying "I wish you didn't think I left to be with another guy..."
Huh???
Suddenly now she's back doing all the things we used to do...
Suddenly she's back emailing me with information on concerts we used to share.
I"m thinking..."Huh??? Why ru telling me this?? You have a "serious bf"."
I've ignored her totally---I mean no contact no email, when I see her I leave quickly...
It still hurts but I'm going to be fine.
NO CONTACT means you can disonnect from those feelings and feel your anger, your hurt, your pain on your own and not with him.
That's what you need right now, that and some supportive friends and this board.
I like to rant and rave here because I can get feedback if someone wants to write, or I can vent in a safe place where I won't be hurting anyone.
If you need support on NO CONTACT I'll be your biggest cheerleader, but stick with your feelings and stay strong.
Thanks everyone for their encouragement. We ran into each other at a st patty's parade but avoided each other. We were both with our group of friends and one of the girls he cheated on me with was in his group so naturally I'm assuming that he had plans to hook up with her.
I couldn't sleep last night because I kept thinking about him. I guess I am holding on to what I wanted it to be rather than what it actually was which was emotionally and physically abusive and an unhealthly relationship. I do wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him.
I want so badly to find my true soul mate and companion. Someone to wake up to and tell my funny stories to. I think I want this so bad that its making me miss him more. Its been almost 3 weeks since I last spoke to him and this is hard to get used to. We used to talk 3-4 times a day. I wish I didn't have these feelings still. He hurt me why do I still want him in my life?
Hi sweetie --
Hang in there. It must have been excruciating to see him with that girl yesterday. I understand your loneliness. I went out with friends last night and had waaaaaay too much beer because I wanted to come home and pass out and not think about the fact that I was going to bed alone.
We all know that we're mourning the loss of what we imagined it could be more than the loss of what it actually was. If we could look at it all cold-hearted and neutral, we'd know that our friends our right and that we're better off without them. It's just that our hearts won't let our heads rule them.
I just found out last night that my ex was probably screwing around with one of his bartenders in December. That knowledge is pushing me into anger which is easier to deal with than the grief.
It's hard to break that habit of picking up the phone just to say hi or talk about your day. But like any habit, you can break it and you'll eventually be free of it.
We're going to get through this and be better off on the other side.