Don't feel like eating (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Don't feel like eating (m)
5
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 12:55pm

Hi,

I haven't posted for awhile but the guy(46 y/o)I was dating was a commitment-phobe. It seemed he is conscious that he is not able to be in a LTR plus he still has feelings for his ex who he has not been intimate for over 8 years. Although we dated less than 3 months, I opened my heart up. Thank gawd I didn't open up my pants.

Anyway, I go through phases of feeling strong & then plummetting. I know it was the wrong relationship. It still hurts very much to be rejected like this. I know he has issues & he admitted it. I haven't had any contact in 24 days. I don't want to be his friend. It hurts way 2 much. I haven't eaten much lately either. I live alone which is very isolating at times.

I have reached out to friends only to discover that these friends are just aquaintances & have thier own lives so they cannot offer me the support I need. Yes, I see a therapist & go to group therapy.

It's not so much him, I am just sad that at 40 I still cannot find a relationship or a guy that wants to be in a relationship.

Any support would be great.

I know time heals, but this sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 1:56pm

Relationships are hard, there is no doubt about that!

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 8:30am

jstbu...

Pianoguy has had more than his share of lonely weekends.....not to mention holidays! They are difficult to get through (at times).

However...the only alternative PG can suggest is that you block out a lot of your free time. Take an enrichment course, do some volunteer work, take on another job (if you really need the money), and most important...TRY TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS WHO HAVE INTERESTS THAT ARE SIMILAR TO YOURS.

Never assume your life is completely dead without another person in it.

I haven't.

But I also believe that TRUE FRIENDS (and an occasional S.O.) enter our lives when we least expect them too.

Hopefully, this will happen in your case?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 2:22pm

Thank you both for your posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 2:40pm

jstbu, I know exactly how you feel.. My relationship was about that long too and I opened my heart and gave it to this guy who I loved so much.. he was the first guy I've actually trusted in years and he threw that all back in my face by cheating on me..

Doesn't matter how long the relationship, it still hurts. I think my ex was a commitment-phobe too - we had such serious talks but when it came down to it, he obviously wasn't ready for a LTR.

I'm sorry you're hurting.. everyone has their good days and bad.. Thats why we're all here, to talk to each other & help each other. Sometimes "friends" who haven't gone what you're going through don't understand, I know mine don't.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here. Goodluck & hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 5:59pm

I am trying online dating JUST to have some old fashioned dates. Never did it but girls, it's a smorgasbord of options..and fun. I am seeing my therapist tomorrow to discuss boundaries and developing some new healthy insight into dating..vs jumping into something..

And dating a few men CASUALLY (no intimacy) will prevent me going head over heels REBOUNDING into something..

www.match.com has a 3 day trial..when u r ready maybe??