Don't Know if I can do it!!
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| Fri, 02-01-2008 - 5:30pm |
It's only been six days of no contact for me so far (not counting a short email sent four days ago) and I feel like I'm breaking. Today has been the worst. It's been exactly a month and two days since the break up and I am walking around with constant heartache. I know that no contact has to be done, but I so badly want to break it. When I'm away from him and not talking to him, I feel like I want to be friends, but I think getting in contact would be even harder, especially if he was seeing someone else (which I highly doubt but you never know).
I miss him so much, but once again, I don't know if it's him I miss or the relationship. All my friends now are in serious relationships and outside of a few male friends who are single, I am the only one of my female friends who is. I should be strong and happy, and show those friends of mine that I'm ok alone, but I don't feel ok at all.
I was thinking all about the one vacation we took for our 1st anniversary back last July. It was so romantic and all, and the tears just came and I couldn't stop them. I've been crying on and off all day. I don't know if it's the fact that I haven't been out because there has been a horrible snowstorm today and I can't go anywhere (the days I go out I feel much happier), so I just keep thinking of the past.
It seemed like the first two weeks after we broke up, there was a lot of anger, which gave me adrenaline and made me feel thrilled to be single again. Now it's only a month of being single and I hate it. As ridiculous as this sounds, I want someone to love again. I don't even want to date. I just want to meet the right guy already. And obviously, this would NOT be the time to meet him, since I'm not exactly over my ex!!
I've been thinking of joining a synagogue. It would definitely help me to meet people, but also I think it may be what I'm missing in my life ... some sort of greater spiritual purpose.
My question is, when will it get easier? I thought after a month I would feel so much better but I feel WORSE. My other two exes I was over by this time, but my feelings for this ex just won't go away, and I want them gone so I can move on.

Hi there
I also know how you're feeling and what you're going through... I've have NC with him for 4 and a half months and I realised a couple of days ago and I HAVE to 'let go' although some part of me doesn't want to... but I guess it's all part of the process.
I felt anger and frustration at first, then it all sunk in and felt down and depressed and thinking about him allllll the time!!!!
I assume that he left?? And if he did, he chose to leave, not you.
No actually, I was the one who left him because I realized I didn't see a future with him anymore. But I still loved him like crazy. I just realized love wasn't enough and love alone wouldn't solve our problems.
We tried being friends for about two weeks after we broke up but it didn't work then. Our feelings were too strong for one another. He wanted no contact for at least a month - I realized I needed it too and asked him for more than a month. Otherwise I don't see myself getting over him at all ....
Well to tell you truth, friendship straight after a breakup is a recipe for disaster!!!!!
I realize it too, believe me, I just don't feel it.
The other thing is, and this made me sooo disappointed today, is that I met a guy a week and a half ago. There is some "interest" on both sides there, and we've been communicating solely through Facebook since then. Every day the emails have gone back and forth and there is obvious "writing" chemistry. I don't even think I am ready to date yet, but there is interest on my side. He seems like a pretty nice guy. Well, today he didn't reply to my message, and now I am all disappointed. It's dumb I know. Not everyone checks their email everyday like I do, but now I keep thinking I did something WRONG and I had been so happy about this :(
I'm really really sorry to say this..... but are you listening to yourself???
Hmmmm.... I know it's a very difficult time for you but you should just stop and think about some of the things you're posting and re-read them :)